Why I Don't Wash My Hands

Let me admit something: I don't always wash my hands after I use the bathroom. Specifically, after I go "number one."

Do you know why? It's not because my mom didn't raise me right or I'm nasty, I'm just being logical. Sometimes, I'll even do the opposite: I'll wash my hands before I use the bathroom!

Allow me to explain.

I'm a clean person. I shower every morning and after every workout (when that happens). I am in a faithful relationship with one woman who is also clean, so I don't have any communicable diseases. I take care of my bits and pieces. And, scientifically, urine is a very sterile fluid.

Not that I piss on myself, see. If I piss on myself, I'll wash up... don't get me wrong. What I'm saying is that given the amount and frequency in which I scrub, and the fact that it's shielded by multiple layers of clean cloth, there are dirtier places on my body than... you know. Case in point: my hands. They touch everything and everyone all day. They're gross.

So, instead of spreading the germs from my hands to my business, I wash my hands first. Then, with clean hands, I touch my clean situation and initiate a clean, healthy waste extraction.

The exceptions are if the urinal or toilet is dirty and I have to flush using my hand... then I'll wash.

I'm actually very OCD about washing my hands. In high school, I found that if I don't wash my hands every hour or so, I get really uncomfortable. I have to get up from my desk at work every now and then just to wash my hands because they feel grimy. The first thing I do after work is wash my hands. When I shake a person's hand, I'll think about how soon it will be until I can make it to a bathroom. But, there is no logical reason, unless I am sweaty, sick, or otherwise contaminated, for me to wash my hands just because I've touched my penis.

Especially not with antibacterial soap, which is a challenge in and of itself. It is increasingly hard to find soap that is not anti-bacterial. We don't need everything to be anti-bacterial! In fact, it's actually hurting us. That super-strain of the staph infection was caused because of antibiotic overuse. The bacteria mutated and became resistant to antibiotics, which is the danger of using anti-bacterial products all the time.

We don't need anti-bacterial dish detergent, window wiper fluid, or floor mops. We sure as hell don't need anti-bacterial pencils.

If this keeps up, we're just going to breed the next super-bacteria and cause a plague that wipes out humanity, all because some suit somewhere wanted to make some money off of our gullibility.

If all you're doing is trying to keep your bits clean, soap and water will suffice.

*****

Further reading:

Antibacterial pencils: Toxic, useless and hazardous to public health