Why is it Easier to Forgive Others Before We Forgive Ourselves?

"Would've, could've, should've," are words that we sometimes use when trying to rewrite a mistake that we have made.

It seems more easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves.

Have you done or said something you really regret? Well that only proves that you are a imperfect human being and part of the human race. Maybe you have done something that you really are ashamed of like committed adultery, stole something or fell off the wagon when you had stopped drinking or doing drugs.

Have you hurt someone's feeling and asked for forgiveness and they said they have forgiven you but you have not forgiven yourself? It seems that we are the worst enemy that we can have in our life because we beat ourselves up more than anyone else could ever do.

That two letter word "if" can be very powerful and put us on a merry go round that we can not ever seem to get off. We play this same song over in our head, "if I had done this or if I had done that, maybe I would not be in the circumstances that I am in now." To that all I can say is "true," but enough of beating yourself up already, hindsight is 20/20. We learn from our mistakes and hopefully never do them again, but sometimes honestly it takes getting beat up a couple of times before we eventually get the point. Also is true that old adage, "we reap what we sow,"and just because you get knocked down a couple of times, are you going to lay in the dirt, or are you going to dust yourself off and keep it moving? I used to lay in the dirt a lot but not anymore, I like to look neat and clean!

According to Sharon W. Hartman, LSW clinical trainer at the Caron Foundation, a drug and alcohol treatment center, she likens forgiveness to the sequence of how her husband, used to correct a problem with his computer. "He didn't want to lose data, so someone told him to set the clock back to before the problem occurred. That way, he lost the mistake, but not the data in the memory. That is what forgiving yourself is - you don't forget the mistake, but it doesn't cause any trouble and you don't lose the memory of it."

So what is the answer.....we need to be as kind to ourselves as we would to others. If we can forgive others, why can't we forgive ourselves? To be able to be in any healthy relationship with another person we first need to be in a healthy relationship with ourselves, that includes loving and forgiving ourselves.

Let go of the hurt and anger so that good things can come into your life. Move on "fugetaboutit."

Going over and over something is not going to change what happened, it only depresses us and quite frankly when you look around the world don't we have enough already to be depressed about, without we doing it to ourselves? It's like picking at a sore, if we leave it alone it should heal, (if you are not sick with cancer or some deadly disease)....but I digress! So leave it alone and let it heal!

Okay one more illustration and then I will shut up, it's like looking in a rear view mirror of a car while you are driving, if you continue to look in the mirror instead of concentrating on what's in front of you, what happens.....you crash. Concentrate on what is in front of you, being cautious and making wise decisions, and then you won't be saying, "If only I had done this, if only I had done that!"