Why Are the Ex-pats in Thailand so Unfriendly?

It can sometimes seem that the ex-pats in Thailand are unfriendly. At least that is what I thought when first moving here. It took me a few years to accept what was really going on, and not to take it personally when every other ex-pat doesn't run up and hug me when we meet. I am exaggerating of course, I never expected complete strangers to hug me; that would be completely mad and I wouldn't like it at all.

What gave me the impression that the ex-pats in Thailand are unfriendly was the fact that so few would acknowledge me when I offered them a smile. If I make eye-contact with someone then I automatically smile; it is just my nature. It also seems to be in the nature of Thai people to offer a smile to any stranger they meet. It is a nice gesture that is done almost unconsciously. As far as I'm concerned it costs nothing and it's nice to be nice.

During my early years in Thailand I would make this smiling face at other westerners and they would often return it with a completely blank face or even worse with a loud 'tut'. For four years I lived in a rural Thailand with only a couple of westerners within a twenty kilometre radius. There was one westerner that refused to acknowledge my presence even though we would meet in the market every week. I would often get irritated with this and would promise myself to never smile at an ex-pat again. Then somebody wisely pointed out that this could be what many of these other people are up to as well; offering a smile is no big deal and if they don't return it so what.

There are many reasons why ex-pats don't smile when they see other westerners. It doesn't always mean that the ex-pat in Thailand are unfriendly. The most obvious being that they are under no obligation to do so; after all it is not like we are all closely related or anything. It is also possible that they might come from a place where smiling at a stranger could get you beaten up; sad but true. Another reason is that there is a lot of stereotyping and negativity around about the male ex-pat in Thailand and many get fed up with having to defend themselves from outrageous comments by naive strangers. A returned smile might seem like an invitation to get into conversation.

The thing is though, that once you get to know ex-pats in Thailand they are just as friendly as anywhere else. Many would bend over backwards to help you. That is why I continue to smile when I see a fellow foreigner; not because I expect one in return but because it is in my nature to do so. If one is not returned then I don't take it personally. As for the ex-pat who ignored me for four years; I later learnt that he couldn't speak a word of English and felt terrified that I would try and get him in conversation. Perhaps he had a bad experience with an English teacher which would explain his aversion; I will never know. It will teach me to not be so quick in thinking that ex-pats in Thailand are unfriendly.