Why Filipinos Would Make Good Astronauts

Last time I talked about why we would make bad astronauts. On the other side of the argument, there are lots of reasons why having a Filipino in space would be a good thing. Sure, there are a lot of sacrifices involved, like going without soy sauce for long periods of time (maybe several hours or more); but despite the hardship, there are a lot of positives. By joining the quest into the great unknown edges of the cosmos, you can be a strong boon to the space program in general. They have a lot of reasons to want us on board:

-We are already used to dehydrated food: mangoes, salty fish, rice, top-ramen, sky-flakes, polvoron, etc.

-We already know how to smuggle fresh produce aboard any aircraft.

-We are used to drinking Coca-cola from a plastic bag.

-In a pinch, your secret lambanog stash could double for extra rocket fuel.

-We are smaller, handle cramped spaces better, and use less oxygen. Ride a bus in Manila, and you'll believe me.

-When the computer is down, you always know an Uncle Boyet who can fix it as a favor.

-If the rocket boosters ever fail the test firing, you own giant subwoofers that can fake it.

-You can share divine protection of all the religious icons glued onto the dashboard.

-In case the retractor arm or bay doors get stuck, your Kuya Jopet can tweak it good, no problem.

-Even if he can't, he'll still throw in the hub-spinners for free.

-On an extra-long and boring mission, there is no need to hibernate: we can gamble for days without even feeling it. Just watch out for that loose-floating mahjongg tile.

-Everyone in the crew gets free haircuts from your gay cousin, Kuya Jojo.

-The cosmonauts on the ISS will have someone decent to play drinking games with.

-By sneaking live chickens aboard, you can officiate the first ever cockfight in a zero-g environment.

-They can always use former military personnel who can cook. "Lieutenant Tito-Boy! What happened to that alien who kept shooting at us? And where did these delicious, killer pork rinds come from? Titio-Boy: Heh-heh...Those two questions have the same answer, sir! "

-With our some 1,700 dialects, we are already at the forefront of translating strange alien languages.

-If your nursing skills fail at helping extra-terrestrials, you will still be famous for the next best thing: Alien-Dobo!

-When the space-toilet is broken, a quick EVA "mission" outside provides instant relief (that was also listed under a negative, but I guess it depends on your certain point of view). You can also go behind the wheel of the lunar rover.

-The shuttle will return with cockpit seats wrapped in plastic slipcovers.

-So will the retrieved payload satellite. To keep it new.

-And don't forget the neon lights in the undercarriage and license plate.

-The Goldilocks bakery has to be built next to the casino-- to help feed the staff.

-Captain Tita-Baby always has snacks in little packets tucked away somewhere.

And finally, the top reason why it would be great to have a Filipino in space:

-Having trouble locating lifeforms? Loudly announce that you're flying home, and Martians will suddenly pop out of the desert floor, running after you and asking you to take packages to their relatives.

So there you have it, the discussion has been balanced from the other side, with a list why you will be of great benefit to the space program. Go on, take our national flag beyond the reaches of our world. So bring our people fame, and join the program;take this list to the nearest NASA recruiting office and they will be impressed. The space program will never be the same once you have joined and started to make your unique, and dare I say it, Filipino, contribution. I promise this when I say, the value you can bring will be indescribable.