Why Forgive?

I usually don't turn on the TV until the evening news. There was a lot of weather the night before though and I wanted to know what happened in various places I had friends and family. While waiting for that bit of news there was a report about a woman in another community who, after being divorced for over five years killed a woman her ex-husband was dating. My husband commented, "Talk about carrying a grudge."

I agreed and went about my morning. Then I came across something about forgiveness and thought about the woman. Because she couldn't forgive someone else died and now she may die or spend the rest of her life in prison. An extreme case of how toxic carrying a grudge can be.

I learned long ago, after divorcing my first husband, that forgiveness is a critical skill we all need to learn. I learned forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. It is all about your mental health. Carrying around the weight of not forgiving someone who has done you harm is like taking a daily dose of poison. It slowly, but surely causes you great harm.

Forgiving is an active task. You don't just mumble an "I forgive you" and that's the end of it. Forgiveness is an active, ongoing task that may take months or even years to accomplish. If you work at it though one day you will feel the weight you've been carrying lift and know that you are the better for letting go of the anger and hurt.

To forgive can seem almost impossible, especially when you know the other person could care less and has no regrets whatsoever about how they hurt you. But, if you keep before you the idea that the act of forgiveness is about helping yourself, then you can accomplish it and move on with your life. Your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven, but you deserve to forgive and move on with your life to better things. Forgiving another is showing compassion for yourself.

There are those that believe that whatever you wish or do to others comes back to you threefold. Jesus talked about casting our bread on the waters and having it return after many days. If you believe this then the act of forgiving will rebound on you many times; as will holding a grudge. Do you really want three times what you wish for another to be anger and hate?

I much prefer the idea of having forgiveness returned three times than a grudge or angry, vengeful thoughts coming back at me.

There is a saying that harboring hate, anger and thoughts of revenge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it.

If you have some things you feel you cannot forgive rather than think about what the other person has done think about what not forgiving is doing to you. Forgive yourself for carrying that weight and then lighten the load by forgiving them. You deserve it.