Why Gossip is Harmful

"Please don't tell anyone. Not anyone," a friend begs.

"You know me. I wouldn't do that. Now, you know you can trust me," responds the friend to whom the first has confided a problem, a secret, a concern, or an observation.

I think some women really believe that they will keep the secret when they make the promise. I'm not sure very many can do it. We all like to think we can and will keep a secret, but how many times do you repeat the confidence, repeating your friend's words, "Now, she told me this in confidence, don't tell anyone else."

Then, that friend tells a friend and so on, and so on, until the secret is no longer a secret, the confidence is no longer confidential. The concern or observation makes it around to the wrong person and a major drama or conflict unfolds.

Is it that women thrive on drama, or is it that they thrive on talking?

Regardless of the motive, sharing secrets, breaking confidences, and gossiping is harmful in many ways.

A true friend will not gossip, but will keep a private matter private.
Some of us may wonder, who then, is a true friend? This is why someone wise told you a long time ago that if you can count the number of true friends you have on one hand you are a very fortunate person. There are those who have many "friends," but some of the very same people have no true friend in whom they can confide and share their secrets, hopes, dreams, and disappointments.

Some say it is their own fault. To have friends you must be friendly. That is true.

Gossip causes insecurity and personal isolation.

Some say it is their inability to trust that prevents them from tearing down walls and opening up to others. There is a lot of validity in that. However, consider, something motivated them to build the walls in the first place, likely a breach of confidence.

If you are fortunate enough to have a true friend, regardless of what you tell them, who it is about, or what you do they will keep their mouth shut about it, to everyone.

When to break a confidence.

The only exceptions are in cases involving illegal activity, or confidences shared by a minor which may be harmful or life changing. In these cases, I believe there is a moral obligation to find help for your friend, or speak to the parents if it involves a minor. If harmful or illegal activity is involved, in most states, you can be held liable if something happens and you have previous knowledge.

Gossip separates the best of friends.

Otherwise, we must learn to control our tongue. A person who cannot control their tongue is like a child playing with matches. When you tell a confidence, it only stirs up trouble. I'll take it a step farther, it always stirs up trouble. It separates friends, creates enemies, and may hurt people who would have otherwise been unaffected by the information had it been kept confidential.

Anyone who shares your business in the streets is not true friend, and certainly should not be considered a confidant.

Take care with whom you share your secrets.

Once you have been bitten by the venom from a loose tongue, if you revisit that snake pit, you are only asking for another bite.