Why Are Graveyards so Grave?

Where is there hope and joy in a graveyard? This may seem like a daft question, after all more tears are spilled here than anywhere else on the planet, but I've come to the conclusion that they shouldn't be such miserable and depressing places.

Recently I paid a visit to my grandparents' grave and enjoyed a long chat with them. Then, taking advantage of some spare time, I wandered round the rest of the graveyard to look at many of the other tombstones. Truly, some of them make for wretched reading, especially the graves of infants or any tombstone that reads 'Here lies our beloved son/daughter." You know that these families have had the worst kind of horror visited upon them. Despite such sadness I think that graveyards should be, and please forgive the phrase, livelier places. My reasons for this are twofold.

First of all, I just feel that not enough is done to celebrate or remember the life of the deceased. Yes of course there's a funeral or memorial service, and that person will be remembered in the hearts and minds of their closest relatives and friends. But what happens when they all die? Then that person is truly forgotten. They are just a short inscription by an untended grave. Maybe it's just the thought that I don't want the memory of my life reduced to two short sentences and an engraving of an angel.

There's nothing on the tombs to tell us what the deceased was really like. Were they funny and gregarious? Did they have lives full of achievements, perhaps deciding to do their first bungee jump at 75. What joy did they bring to others and what wisdom, tips, and knowledge could they pass on? How fascinating it would be if somehow this could be available.

Here's an idea. Many lives are now recorded on social networking websites, updated daily with photographs, videos and experiences. A new generation of tombstones could be equipped with screens and memory card readers that could hold all this digital information. So in years to come, key moments of a person's life could be played back by anyone who wants to know more about them.

Secondly, hope. Now all religions believe that there is some sort of life after death and that our time here should be a preparation for the next life. Indeed these sentiments are reflected on many graves, but is it enough? One of my favourite reflections on the next life is the poem "Death Is Nothing At All," by Canon Henry Scott-Holland, with its beautiful opening: "Death is nothing at all, I've only slipped into the next room." What a gentle way of commenting on the end of life. If only this could be echoed in graveyards, rather than the dark, spooky, Poe-esque images they usually conjure up for us.

I'm not suggesting we get out the bunting and party poppers, although you may feel that's a good idea. After all our loved ones are supposedly in paradise and having a far greater time than we are. My suggestion here is really cosmetic.

I've seen too many old and untended graves, covered in moss and lichens, their inscriptions barely visible. In the more severe cases, weeds covering entire graves, as if nature is trying to pull the stones underground. In those places where this happens I feel that local authorities should step up and contribute more to their upkeep.

Now maybe I shouldn't be so bothered about it all, but then again, graveyards are not really for the dead, they are to help the living.