Why I Hate the Words Foodie, Tweet, and Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

The English language is growing at an astonishing rate. New words are created daily to accommodate new technologies. I say it's time to stop. Stop making up stupid words, pull out your dictionaries, and find the old words that fit.

Exhibit A: Foodie
The word gourmet has been around for hundreds of years. Why did we need the word foodie? Here is where creating a new word also creates a connotation, a new shade of meaning, which was unintended. Gourmet carries with it the concept that the food-lover has some knowledge. They know which wine compliments each course. The gourmet understands how food is prepared. The gourmet is a chef who doesn't cook, a wine steward who doesn't serve.

Foodie simply means, "I love to eat." Foodie is another word for obese. Foodie lacks all the connotation of gourmet without going on a diet. Foodie was created by lazy people who didn't learn anything about food, but still love to eat. The old saying, "I don't know art, but I know what I like," applies. Foodies don't know food, but they still love a Grand Slam^TM at Denny's^©. Yum! Yum! Foodies couldn't tell a Chardonnay from a Riesling, but they know how to order their hash browns at the Waffle House^©...scattered, smothered, & dice, just like their women.

Do not create words for things we all do naturally. What's next? Airie? Gosh, I love air. I sure like to breath. I'm an airie. Actually, that isn't far off. The global warming front will start using "airie" to mean those who like clean air. Airies are already out there. They're the anti-smoking crowd. I think I just torpedoed my article and created a new word.

Exhibit B: Tweet
Tweet is the latest in a long line of technology-specific words which all mean "message." When all we had was the spoken word, we spoke messages. With writing came the note and the letter where we recycled some older words with good results. With the telegraph came...well...the telegraph. (People in the late 19^th century were too busy building machinery to be linguistically original.) With the radio came the show. With the telephone came the phone call. With computers came the email and instant message because regular messages were boring. With Twitter came the tweet.

These are all just messages conveyed in a different way. I'm all for a word encapsulating as much meaning as possible. All of these self-contain their medium, but they are all just messages. I fear we've lost the message in the sea of new words for message. However, there are doctoral thesis written on how the medium changes the message so I'm going to let tweet slide except for saying, sometimes we don't really need all the information provided us. If you're tweeting "Good morning," "Good night," and "Wow! That was quite the bowel movement," I'm seriously considering removing you from my Twitter list. Oh, sorry, in Twitterese, "I will unfollow you."

Exhibit C: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
This is the word you will never find the opportunity to use. I don't know who created it, but they were a blithering idiot. It means "fear of long words." Those with the phobia obviously avoid its use. If you are in therapy and your therapist uses it, they will undo weeks of progress. It's the Catch-22 of all words. "Catch-22" on the other hand, is one of the greatest new words ever invented. There is hope.

Let Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia be a lesson to all you new word enthusiast, think before you create. There's a parable about space shuttle engines and Roman chariots that applies here, but I'll leave that for another time.

Die, Foodie, Die
Stop, people, stop. Dust of your dictionaries and take to the streets. We English speakers are assemblage of disconnected, logophobic wimps when we should be conscientious logophiles. To all you foodies out there, stop stuffing your face and think.