Why I Haven't Came Out & Why You Shouldn't Either

It's funny how everywhere I go I'm bombarded with these coming out stories. It's as if any person who isn't heterosexual has to go through some big "reveal". I imagine myself standing anxiously behind a red curtain, knowing that all my family and friends are on the other side. The music starts and there's a drum roll. I snatch back the curtain and jump to center stage: "I like girls, too!" I yell. My mother looks aghast and ashamed, my brother laughs patronizingly, and my father just bows his head. Everyone else pretty much looks shocked.

I know this isn't how it would go down, if I did "come out". However, the ridiculous manner in which I imagine this so-called momentous occasion says a lot about how I perceive it.

Coming out is ridiculous and unnecessary. Do heterosexuals come out? Do people barrage them with questions about how certain they are about their sexuality? I don't think so. Could you imagine a mother interrogating her twelve year old daughter about her first crush?

"Sue Lynn, are you sure you have a crush on Johnny? Maybe you really don't like boys? Have you even kissed one? If you haven't kissed one, you can't know for sure you like them. And besides, you're really just confused right now. Promise me you'll think all of this over."

Not going to happen, right?

Well, then. Please don't expect me to reveal my sexuality to anyone. I am confident about who I am and who I am not attracted to. Don't tell me I need to experiment first or that I am confused. That's preposterous. And I am not going to broadcast my sexuality. In this day and age, to say you are anything but heterosexual is to say "I'm freaky". Sure, everyone doesn't think like that, but a lot of people do. I don't want people labeling me. I'm just me. The sexuality part is just one ingredient.

Anyway, back to the subject. I disagree with the whole coming out thing, because I just don't think that it's anybody's business. I'm not going to hide my sexuality, but I don't want everyone to know about my sexual and romantic life-that's private. If I get into a committed relationship with someone and that person wants to meet my family, then I will handle it. It's unfortunate that these things even have to be handled, but it's true.

See, I know that my family would not be terribly accepting of my sexuality. While I don't think they'd disown me, I'm quite sure they wouldn't want to have any part in my lifestyle. So why burden their little minds and tax my own emotions? Is it their business what I do? Hell, no.

They will find out whenever, either intentionally or unintentionally. I'm not going to sit down and have some heart to heart and beg people to accept me for who I am. I would have been who I was even before I told them this minor detail about my preference. Besides, it's pretty hard to hide this part of yourself. Usually, your family can tell that something is "different" about you. I know my mother has been picking up frequencies on her gaydar for some time now. And that's totally fine with me.

So to wrap this thing up, don't come out because it's what you think you're supposed to do. That's BS. Do what is right for you. If you want to make some big deal about your sexuality and sit everyone in your family down and tell them, go ahead. But I'm going to treat my sexuality as it should be treated-as something natural that needs no explanation.

When the light bulb starts coming on for the people in your life and they realize that they are just not down with the situation, oh well. It's time to weed out the real ones from the fakers. Some people are going to accept you and some aren't. Drop those negative people, because they will do nothing but hold you back.

And believe me, there is no closet unless you make one for yourself. If you want to lock yourself in a mental prison of shame and guilt, then hey, you are in a closet--a closet you made for yourself.