Why He Didn't Call

"We had a great time, but then he never called me again!" Likely, at some point in your dating odyssey, most of you ladies have said something to this effect. Usually, it's followed by something like, "I just don't get it!" or "What's wrong with men?!" At this point your brood of friends will fly to your rescue, chanting every platitude in their considerable word-arsenal, assuring you that it's his problem while you're the paragon of woman-kind. You're too successful for him, or he's intimidated by your intelligence, or he doesn't think he deserves someone so beautiful. Your friends will tell you these things with full knowledge of one inescapable fact - they're LYING to you. They know it, and deep down you probably know it, too.

So, would you like to learn the real truth? Here are some common reasons you didn't get that second phone call.

1. You brought your baggage along. Unless you're going scuba diving, nothing bigger than a purse should be attached to you on a first date. That includes tragic dating histories, dysfunctional family relationships, and general bitterness toward the opposite sex. This is a first date, not your therapy hour. It's supposed to be fun and light. So, unless you're going to fork over $150, no man wants to hear about how your backstabbing friend cheated with your ex-fiancé and ruined your trust in humanity. This especially applies to any insults you feel like lobbing at your ex. However you speak about them, we'll assume that's how you would speak about us. So dial down the vitriol and relax! And we especially hate the twenty-minute stories about your favorite cat and the sweetest thing he did yesterday. Your cat sucks. Talk about it too long - which is anything beyond "I have a cat" - and before long we'll start checking our watch, no matter how hot you are.
2. He wasn't attracted to you. This happens mostly with blind dates. A friend of a friend knows someone who's single and "perfect for us", and we let ourselves dare to dream that on the other side of that door will be someone with whom we have real chemistry. Even being generous, though, that only happens about one percent of the time. Now, while a certain type of man will fake an illness or family emergency to escape the date early, most of us will do our best to be polite and stick it out for one evening. After all, you did get dressed up for us. But a man knows within about ten seconds if he's into you. Attraction is not a choice - it either happens or it doesn't. And if he's not attracted to you, well, just shake it off and move on. Now, some of you ladies have been reading this and chanting "shallow pig shallow pig shallow pig". Well, in plain terms, if you can't come to grips with the fact that men need to find their partners attractive, then you're delusional and likely have a learning disorder. Why? Because women will be the first to say that they enjoy feeling beautiful and sexy, and that being desired by their man can be a huge turn-on. You say that every woman has the right to feel beautiful. And the truth is we couldn't agree with you more! You should be able to feel beautiful, and so you deserve a man who can truthfully say how much he desires you. So, for the love of God, leave behind the blame and accusations and focus on what's real - when we genuinely desire you, and when you genuinely feel desired, everyone wins. If this guy just wasn't feeling it enough to call you, maybe the next one will. No big deal.
3. Your claws came out. I'll say this as simply as possible - there is nothing less attractive than a catty woman. If you're out with a quality guy, a surefire way to push him out the door is to start criticizing other women. Maybe you're dealing with self-image issues, or maybe you're perpetually competing with other women. Ultimately, the reasons don't matter. At all. Because most guys will want to bolt for the exit the moment it happens. Want to know why? Because your tactic of making yourself look better by nitpicking the flaws of another woman - yeah, it just backfired. He now feels sympathy for the innocent woman you just eviscerated, and the microscope has instead swung towards you. So, have fun being mercilessly scrutinized from that point on, and don't bother acting surprised when your phone is silent the next day. A quality woman doesn't need to do what you just did, and he knows it.
4. You played the game. You're already on a date with us, so it's time to stop acting like a coy schoolgirl. Some women love the tease, the hard-to-get act, the chase. In fact, they love it so much that they don't know how to stop! I don't know, maybe it feels empowering or something. While a little of that can be fun at first, be careful. Because once you're on a real date the game changes, and we want to see who you really are. So if you keep up the maybe-I'm-into-you-maybe-I'm-not-and-I'll-flirt-with-the-waiter routine, you've already lost the game. If you're into us, be a grown-up and act like it. If you can't drop it, a quality guy will tire of it quickly, move on to more adult prospects, and your phone will again remain cold.
5. You multi-tasked. Do you actually like the guy you're out with? Do you want him to enjoy his time with you? Then, for the love of God, put away your phone! We don't care how many friends you have, or what drama they're dealing with, or whether your cat has the sniffles. No guy wants to be with a woman who spends half the date on a call. It's a date, not your office, and it would help you if the guy across from you felt like an integral part of the evening. Seriously, if you don't have time for us on the first date, what will happen six months down the road? Grow up, quit showing off how wanted you are, and act like you're happy to be spending some time with us. Otherwise, I can guarantee there's one less call you'll be getting the next day.

These are just a few of the many things women repeatedly do to sabotage themselves. Take my advice, get out of your own way, and you can thank me later.