Why I'm Skipping My High School Reunion This Year

Maybe I'm mistaken but I thought that our country was in the grip of a great economic crisis. Foreclosures are up, likewise bankruptcies, only personal unsecured debt is booming and many people are out of work. Things are so bad that some communities will have to forgo or modify summer fireworks displays. Even for we who retired to our "safe harbor", things are beginning to look iffy. Dividends and interest which supplemented pensions are down, costs of health insurance (even Medicare) are up and in 2010 there will be no COLA increase on our Social Security payments for the first time in 35 years. We are glad to have Social Security at all and nobody feels very secure ... or so I thought until I received an invitation to my 50^th High School Reunion. A casual glance followed by a quick-take boggled second look leads me to wonder if somebody still has money which Bernard Madoff hasn't gotten to yet.

Our reunions (usually held every five years) have never been cheap but always manageable - a bill you could pay off with money left over for the routine expenses of life. In 2004, the Reunion Committee alerted us that they were skipping the event for that year in order to focus on a special gala event for the next reunion which would be our 50^th anniversary of our high school graduation year but not until seeing the invitation did I realize how special it was going to be.

Because of the way things are scheduled, most folks like to check in on Friday night and stay for Saturday night too. This year the Committee has forgone the moderately priced, easily accessible hotel we used in the past which means that each night will cost $99 (special rate). With taxes and gratuities, we're talking about $125 a night, just for starters.

The opening-shot Cocktail Party on Friday night will cost $35 per person (bring lots of money because it is a cash bar). The tour of our high school scheduled for the ungodly hour of 10 a.m. the next day will cost $10 per person and includes a box lunch. Saturday's major event is the dinner dance for $80 per person (don't forget your money because it is another cash bar plus we have to pay the guy to take our pictures). Of course, the pre-ordered Reunion Class booklets are an important part of the evening festivities and will cost $20 each. Those who rise and shine early enough for Sunday morning breakfast brunch will have to shell out another $24.

Per person, the total is already up to $419 (not including what the cash bars and photographer will rake in). Most reunion attendees drag along spouses or partners which would mean doubling every expense here except the room, so we are really talking at least $588 per couple.

That's not the whole story because the fancy hotel chosen for this year's party is remotely located in Oak Brook and not accessible by public transportation so if I were to attend (unless I could talk someone else into flirting with bankruptcy to be my guest) I would have to take a cab out there, which will be at least $50 each way (if I'm lucky). How about all those former classmates who migrated to other parts of the country and have to pay for a flight into O'Hare only to haul ass out to Oak Brook which is miles away? They are going to have to rent a car or hire a limo or a cab. Ditto the procedure to get home again.

That's still not the whole ticket though because, now that we are senior citizens, we are expected to be conservative and wear clothes which would be fine if we could stick to what we have worn in the past - casually elegant "early evening" wear. Some people dressed up more than others but no one felt bad because of what they wore. That has changed - for this gala thing, we are supposed to wear dressy, formal stuff. I suspect a lot of my fellow classmates (especially the ones who flocked to Phoenix or Florida) feel like I do - our idea of "fancy" is a tee-shirt we haven't worn yet. I have almost forgotten how to don panty-hose, my rarely-worn high heeled pumps are outdated and I'm not interested in a formal gown I won't ever need again. Even if I had money for it, I lack the closet space which is now jammed with tees, slacks, and sweats.

The Reunion Committee is made up of nice, sincere people who have worked hard on our behalf to plan our parties. It may be that plans for this gala were hatched back when it seemed like no one would ever have to worry about money again. Nobody meant to be hurtful or exclusive but my guess is that this year a lot of alumni are not going to be able to afford this and will be left out. That concerns me so much that ... even if I hit the Lottery and had tons to spend on this ... I probably still would pass it up.

It may be that - as long as we are picking our way through the economic Valley of Death out there - we should rethink how special occasions are handled. If someone wants to spend $80,000 on a wedding or hire a boat for Mom and Dad's Golden Anniversary party, that's different - that's their own business. All their guests have to do is look nice and show up with a gift to have a good time without getting a bill at the end of the evening.

Perhaps a high school reunion should be different, something that everyone can enjoy without worrying about credit card balances. This special event was meant to be fancy because it was our 50^th anniversary but that very factor would have made it special anyway. The dinner could have been held in one of the perfectly good hotels adjacent to the O'Hare area, a place we all could have gotten to easily by public transportation or a reasonably priced cab ride. We would have looked just as nice in casually elegant outfits, eating simpler food.

It would have still been an unforgettable event which more former classmates could have had a chance to remember.