Why It's Not Good to Remain Friends with Your Ex

I have had an Ex who has been a wonderful dream. He's the "What If", he's the "What Could Have Been" guy that I've held onto for so long but it seems that it's time to let go. His constant presence in my life is stagnating my current relationship and I seem to be threatening to stagnate his. Sometimes you have to stop being a packrat and put old knick-knacks away, sometimes that goes with people too.

Why it's inconvenient to be friends with Ex's

If your significant other is a little miffed that you have friends of the opposite sex (or the same sex if you're gay) then they're probably incredibly paranoid. However, if you've got an ex that you had an intense relationship with and remained close with afterwards, then their insecurity becomes a little more understandable.

It's one thing to have friends of the opposite sex, it's another thing to be friends with someone who you had a serious relationship with. Just because the relationship ended doesn't mean that all the feelings have disappeared. There might still be some lingering intimacy and your partner has every right to be a little miffed about that.

It might also prevent you from ever really moving on, which will put your current relationship in some hot water.

I blamed my relationship

I was once told that I should consider each relationship as an upgrade from the last one. If it's not, then there's no progress. Well, for some reason relationship after relationship would not fulfill me as the one I had with my Ex. I figured it was my current partner's fault and maybe this relationship just wasn't an improvement. The truth was, I was sabotaging myself. A relationship should only have two people in it, but my constant emotional intimacy with my ex prevented me from seeing my current partner as someone I could look to for emotional support.

It's hard to make someone the most important man (or woman) in your life if you've always got this Ex that you keep falling back on. Sure, there may be no sex involved, but the emotional intimacy can be even more devastating than sexual intimacy.

How to get rid of your Ex

It's hard if you're in the same town, it can even be hard if you're always on the phone with them or chatting on IM. Like a cigarette, they could actually be a form of addiction, something you've learned to expect and rely on after years of conditioning. Maybe you need to wean yourself away from your ex by learning to rely on your current relationship or hang out with other friends. You have to replace one social dependence with another, one that won't pose as an problem for your relationship.