Why It's OK to Rule Your Kids with an Iron Fist when Coddling is the Norm

The first time I heard the term "helicopter parents," (parents who hover) I was sitting in the hair salon talking to a woman who worked in human resources. She was telling me about a mother who called to discuss her adult child's job performance! Immediately I thought, have we gone way too far? Have these parents before us set the bar for extreme coddling?

Around that same time, my son was going through the terrible teens. He had received a bad grade on a test, had recently copped a really bad attitude, and my husband and I were badly in need of a serious break from parenting. So we decided to lay down the law; hit this kid where it really hurt. We had the power to cut off his social life, his sole source of entertainment and his one link to the outside world. You can say all you want about technology, but with the flip of a switch, we got our control back and he lost his internet connection.

I have to say, that as bad as that month turned out to be for him, it was worse for us. We had to endure the pleas, the threats, the promises, "I'll do better if you just turn the 'net back on." Not a chance. Our son finally started spending more time with us, because he had nothing better to do. His grades improved. In fact, now he's on the honor roll. The trick is, we never gave in.

Don't Let Your Kids Play You

He would try to break one of us; whoever he thought was the most vulnerable at the time. And I almost caved. My husband was steadfast. Sure, easy for him, he was a work all day! He'd say to me, "We have to stick this out." And I knew he was right.

Say It and Mean It

Come up with a plan and don't waiver; not at all, not an inch. If you say you are taking the internet away for a month, or until the next good report card, stick to it. Come up with a plan before you begin the punishment. We did allow our son a little time on the internet during the holiday break. But once school was back in session, it was back to the dark ages.

Follow Through

Talk to your child about why he/she is being punished, and reiterate over and over what he needs to do to regain his privileges and when that will happen.

Stand Firm and Don't Cave

Because once you start to even show just a little bit of sympathy, these kids will play you like an out-of-tune banjo. They know they have you when you tell them how bad you feel about their situation.

Don't Change the Plan Midstream Even If Behavior Is Better

My husband always said to me, "This won't mean anything if we give in now." And he was right. How many times had we threatened punishment before and two weeks later he did the exact same thing that got him in trouble the first time?

Tell Your Kid You Love Him Everyday

He knows you are punishing him and he knows why. But does he know you are not doing it because you get a thrill out of mental torture? Tell him that it would be a lot easier to let him run a muck. But you're his parent and that won't happen in your house.

Ask Yourself What Your 30 Year Old Kid Would Say

Whenever I have to make a decision about my child, I ask myself, what would he want us to do if he were 30 years old looking back? It might make your decision easier.

Get Support at School

If you think his bad attitude is spilling over into the classroom, talk to a teacher or counselor and explain what you're doing and why. They may be able to offer some tips and share what they see from their end.

Ask For Advice From Parents With Older Kids

These people have been through it all. They might have a discipline strategy that worked for them and could help you now.

Ask Your Kid What He Learned From This Experience

My son still isn't happy about losing the internet, and he'll never forget it. And even now, his attitude isn't always the best. But when we say we're going to do something, he knows we mean it.