Why Kevin Federline and Jennifer Hudson Should Go Out on the Vegas Strip

There's nothing like a celebrity romance to raise the profile of both; it's the best career investment one can make, beyond a good headshot. A smart celebrity knows how to get somewhere in life based on who they're dating. It's the American way.

Take Kevin Federline. K-Fed recently became FedEx, to the distraught wails and sobs of thousands congregating in the streets and beating upon their chests. For all of Kevin Federline's failings, he at least knew how to marry up. But we can't all make a marriage to Britney Spears work, can we? It takes hard work to make a marriage succeed, and no one expected that out of Federline. Still, a man needs to find something to do to better himself, or at least locate a good couch to sleep on.

And then there's Jennifer Hudson. "Who?" you might ask, but then you might not, for Jennifer Hudson is a star on the rise. She didn't win "American Idol" (but hey, sixth runner-up ain't bad, right?), but she's won a few hearts after beating out over seven hundred other young women for the role of Effie White in "Dreamgirls". It speaks volumes that it's Hudson, and not Beyonce Knowles, getting all the press when "Dreamgirls" comes up; when the fresh face is getting more accolades than the big star, you know something is askew.

Federline would do well to attach himself to this rising young singer; she's got talent and has done more than squeak by on a pretty face, which will mean she will always be able to afford to buy him food and clothes. Apparently he is a dancer, which means he could come with her on tour and earn a few bucks as concert backup (or just sitting backstage), and he could in turn help her navigate the confusing lifestyle of a recording artist; if he managed to get a record deal, he must know the right people to talk to. (If you've heard his album, you'll understand what I'm getting at here.)

And while he may not be the classiest of company, Jennifer Hudson could benefit from spending some time in the odious position of Kevin Federline's arm candy. The press likes to follow his wacky adventures, and Hudson needs to strike while the iron is hot; she's got more limelight than anyone thought possible after her "American Idol" placing, so it's time to sink the claws in and take hold. Besides, as much as we may joke, he's not going to have to mooch off her for money; he's still got a healthy amount coming to him from Britney's prenup.

Doesn't it seem terrible to pair up celebrities for publicity reasons? But it's an important tactic. After all, would anyone have heard of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie if they hadn't become a couple? Wait, don't answer that.

Regardless, if you're going to go for publicity, go for the gold. That's why your correspondent humbly suggests a high-glitz fling on Las Vegas' sinful strip. As we all know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, which ensures a constant stream of paparazzi making sure whatever happens in Vegas leaves Vegas and ends up on your television screen in Dubuque.

There's music for her and showgirls for him, and bright lights to ensure that everyone in the world knows about the big celebrity couple and their very private date. Assuming Tara Reid doesn't do something stupid, it's a guaranteed front-page story. There's also a magic show or two involving white tigers, we're told. Everyone loves white tigers.

Kevin Federline could extend his fifteen minutes to twenty and Jennifer Hudson could ensure her clock doesn't peter out at fourteen. This celebrity dream date would ensure more certain career success for both parties. Let's just hope K-Fed tucks his shirt in.