Why Should I Let My Child Quit?

Nobody likes to be called a quitter. But quitting is hardly the worst thing that can happen to a child, and stick to competitiveness is surely not the highest virtue.

If children drop out of activities or quit projects consistently, they may be very discouraged, and they probably suffer from a poor self image. Your task at this point is to encourage them.

Encouragement is very important in helping your child maintain a positive self image. All children need encouragement, especially from their parents and teachers in order to develop and maintain healthy self esteem. Forcing children to continue something when they already feel like a failure will, in most cases, discourage them even more.

Passive or compliant children may be easily talked into doing things just to please or appease you. Consequently they will soon fail, having no real interest of their own to motivate them. Children whose participation is half hearted don't try very hard and cannot overcome the disappointments and difficulties associated with any new endeavor.

One helpful way to encourage your children is to listen to them. The discouraged child needs someone who will listen with understanding, someone who will listen without giving criticism or advice. By asking your child to continue for a few more weeks before making a decision you may be able to determine whether the child is experiencing temporary discouragement or whether he or she has no interest in or aptitude for this activity.

Temporary discouragement can be like stage fright. Stage fright is a form of performance anxiety. Most of us experience this when we try something new. We want to perform well, but are worried about looking awkward or foolish. The more we worry about our performance, the more anxious we become, and we may even consider quitting just to avoid this anxiety.

The way to help your children overcome performance anxiety is to push them just enough so they face their anxiety and conquer it. If you let them run away from every challenge that makes them the least bit anxious, they will never develop the courage and self confidence that comes from meeting challenges and overcoming obstacles. If, on the other hand, your children are deeply discouraged, pushing them is a serious mistake that could lead them to lash out in anger or become detached or depressed.

Seriously discouraged children will not feel relieved for having tried something that at first seemed too challenging. Instead, they will use their defeat or poor performance as evidence of their inferiority and hopelessness. This will only increase their discouragement.

Be careful not to criticize your child for quitting. Labeling a child as a quitter is destructive. Children need to grow up with the emotional freedom to admit their mistakes ion judgment and change courses without guilt. Quitting is not necessarily a sign of discouragement or failure. In fact, it may actually be a sign of independence, intelligence, courage and maturity rather than a sign of failure.