Why Marriage is Worth It: Reasons for Christians to Not Give Up

When two people get married it is a contract - both legal and spiritual. Two people promise or vow to love one another 'til death do they part. Right? For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

I'm not crazy right?

People still say those vows at weddings, don't they? Well, most people do. Marriage is a promise, its an undertaking, it is promising to be a partner with someone for life. Sometimes I think about it purely from a logical point of view and I think people who get married must be absolutely crazy. Perhaps that is why God gives us romantic love in the first place. Most of us in our right mind would think twice before making a promise like that. But true also, most people who are engaged to be married are so enraptured with love and admiration for the other that marriage seems not only logical but beautiful.

I have to give God credit for being God. He really does know what He's doing of course. It's my own pea brain that has a hard time catching up is all. We get married. Are we crazy? Perhaps. But that is really not the point of this article. The fact is God wants most of us to be married. Mark 10:6-8 says, "A man and woman were created by God and for this reason a man should leave his mother and father and be united with his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one." (NIV)

So marriage is ordained by God but what if it really sucks to be married? What if your husband is not loving or your wife is rude and difficult to live with. What if you have irreconcilable differences? What does the Bible say about that? Jesus says, in Matthew 19:8-9, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (NIV)

That doesn't leave much room for irreconcilable differences does it? So irreconcilable differences are out. At least for God. You go there and you are on your own. But let's say you do have biblical grounds for a divorce. Lets say your spouse had an affair. What possible reason could there be for not bailing on this grand experiment, cutting your loses and finding your way to a new life?

Why is marriage worth it? Worth enduring pain, anguish, hurt, betrayal and heartache.

Reason #1

You made this mess, yes you! So, learn from it.

Your spouse didn't wake up one day and decide to have an affair without reason. At least in most cases. There are rare exceptions. Relationships are hard to maintain over the long haul. We get in bad habits. We can become "too safe" in marriage and begin treating our spouses in ways we would not treat our enemies no less the person we are suppose to cherish and love. Your next relationship will not be any better than this one, no matter what Hollywood movies tell us, because if you cut and run, you are missing out on learning some lessons about yourself. You might say at this point, what about my evil husband who betrayed me? Yeah, he'll learn some lessons too. But you are more apt to repeat the same mistakes in your first marriage as you are in your second. Second marriages have a higher failure rate than first ones! So step back and try as hard as you can to look at the reasons you are in the place you are. Try not to put blame on your spouse, or at least suspend blame long enough to look at your relationship objectively if only for a moment. Look inward. Ask yourself the very hard question, How did I contribute? How do I need to change? Confess your failings to your husband or wife and then commit yourself to change into that better person. It will not be easy. It will be hard. But remember it will be worth it.

Reason #2

Time heals wounds.

Yes, you heard right. I'll say it again. Time heals wounds. Studies show that the majority of couples who went into marriage counseling reported that 5 years later things were much better. So much better in fact they were would characterize their marriage as "happy." Give it time and look at the alternative. If you have kids and are considering divorce, you have a lifetime of trying figure out which holiday is whose and trying to share the most intimate and challenging jobs on this planet with someone you barely speak with. Depending on how long you've been together, there are countless pictures, memories and keepsakes that will be erased from your radar if not your life, and if they do show up, they will be painful and sad instead of happy and heartfelt. Its like you'll be missing a whole big chunk out of your life, like a big section of a good book being ripped out. But if you endure. If you stay, you will have victory over the pain. You will grow closer. You will be stronger as a couple. You will know each other more deeply. If you stay to work on the issues you will wake up one day without the pain. And you will realize you have your kids, you have your memories, you have your life and you are happy. Endure, its worth it.

Reason #3

Do it for the Lord.

Look. Maybe you do have a choice but if you choose to walk away, I guarantee that you will miss out on blessings God has for you. It says in Scripture in 1 Corinthians 6:20 that you were bought with a price and that you are not your own. If you commit your life to Christ you commit to follow Him in obedience. Like a soldier called to duty it is not our place to argue with God. It is not our place to put ourselves first before Him. And if he's called you to be a husband or a wife. Do it unto the Lord! Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." (NIV) Colossians also says,

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 2:12-14 NIV)

You can do it; it will be worth it.