WHY ME! I Can't Figure it Out!

Have you ever asked yourself, why me? I have to admit, I have. It wasn't a big thing, but when things get totally stressed I have a tendency to ask, why me! It probably stems from my childhood. I lived with an alcoholic growing up and things weren't so easy at home. My mom and step-dad would go out drinking until 2:00 a.m. in the morning. My brother and I would sneak to bed when we heard them. However, they were pretty smart as my mom would come in and feel the television set. If it was hot, she knew we just ran to bed. When she peeked in, we would lay very still as though we've been sleeping for hours.

The alcoholic was my step-dad. Everyone seemed to of loved him especially the bar buddies down at the local tavern. My mom and step-dad would give parties. You, know the parties - beer, hard liquor, and food. It would last for hours! Most of the people, would bring their spouses. Some would not since they were the only drinkers in the family. At this one party, they dug a big hole in the front yard to barbecue a cow. When they went to pick up the cow, it was spoiled! So they chased a pig and barbecued it instead. Apparently, the way your suppose to clean the pig wasn't done. They ended up burying the pig and not eating it.

Every time, they had these parties, there were always men that liked to put there arms around me. I hated that! They were drunk and their breaths stunk and they would talk to me in a flirtation way. Which was inappropriate! I was in my early teens and these grown drunk men would have their hands on me. It made me feel so violated. Especially, when they tried to look down my shirt! I developed early and looked older than I was. I was very modest and kept to myself. I wish my mom and step-dad took that extra step and watched after me! I tried to stay in my room and only go out when I was hungry, but I always got clawed at! Those are the times I said, why me! Why do I have to put up with this?

When everyone left, my step-dad became very mean! He picked at everything. I didn't put the dishes in the dishwasher right! I hung up the clothes on the line wrong. I forgot to hang up the clothes on the clothes line. If I was asleep, he would literately make me get out of bed, and unload every dish in the dishwasher and re-clean and then put it back into the dishwasher. He would also make me take the clothes off the line at 3:00 o'clock in the morning and fold and put the clothes away. He would tell me how bad I was and disrespectful. How I didn't care about anything except for myself. Year after year, I would ask myself, why me! I really wished someone would tell me, but no one would! No one would say anything. I think I was very resentful toward my mom because she never stood up for me. I used to rag on her about it years after they divorced. But now I realize, she too was saying, why me!