Why Men Can't Pee Straight

For two years, my husband and I lived in a rented house in Germany. Our landlord had thoughtfully placed a postcard over the toilet with a comic picture of a man lying on the floor while urinating into a toilet bowl. The caption over the comic said "Nicht im stehen." For the longest time, I didn't understand the context of that comic. But then one day, I happened to be browsing Toytown Germany, a messageboard for English speaking expatriates in Germany, and someone had started a thread about German men sitting down when they urinate.

Naturally, being the sort of person who is fascinated by cultural differences, particularly when they have to do with body functions, I was very interested in reading about this phenomenon. It seems that many German women are offended by the sight of urine on the floor or the sound of it hitting the water. So some German women require their men to sit down when they relieve themselves at home. I was so surprised by this revelation that I asked my German neighbor, Claudia, if what I'd read about German men was true. Claudia confirmed that, in fact, many German men do sit when they pee, thus reducing the mess.

Most American men, by contrast, usually stand up when they pee. Standing up while peeing often leads to urine puddles around the toilet and stains on the commode. According to the fascinating book, What's My Pee Telling Me?, "since the invention of toilets, men have struggled to hit the mark" (38). But when a man urinates while standing up, there's no telling where his pee will end up. A lot of women, and perhaps a few fastidious men, are happy if a man remembers to lift the seat while peeing and then put it back down when they're done. A man who also remembers to clean up the pee stains after using the toilet is likely to get even more brownie points.

So why do men who stand when they urinate make such a mess? Josh Richman and Anish Sheth M.D., authors of What's My Pee Telling Me? and its very entertaining prequel, What's Your Poo Telling You? explain that one thing many frustrated women don't realize is that there's a difference in urinary physics between the two genders. Most women urinate while sitting down; thus, they pee in just one direction-- vertically. Men who stand while urinating pee both vertically and horizontally. They must maintain the right velocity of urine in order to aim it properly and get it to cover the horizontal distance to the commode, where it will then alter course to a vertical direction. If there's too little pressure, the urine dribbles onto the floor or the side of the toilet bowl. Too much, and it might end up on the wall, the ceiling, or anywhere else in the bathroom.

Richman and Sheth write that most men have no problem aiming when they're midstream. It's just at the beginning and end of urination that they have the most trouble getting their pee to go where it's intended to go. The two authors compare a man's act of urinating while standing up to using a garden hose. Once the hose gets going, it's easy to aim; but before and after that, not so much.

The authors suggest that men who wish to be neat about peeing should either sit down during the act or stand very close to the toilet and aim downward as much as possible. Frankly, I'm not prepared to ask my husband to alter his toilet habits after forty-five years, though he does tell me he usually sits when he goes in the middle of the night and the lights are off. Luckily, he's also a good housekeeper and cleans up after himself. I definitely got myself a keeper!

SOURCES:

Richman, J. and Sheth, A. (2009). What's My Pee Telling Me? San Francisco: Chronicle Books.

Richman, J. and Sheth, A. (2007). What's Your Poo Telling You? San Francisco: Chronicle Books.

ToytownGermany.com