Why Men Cheat, and What to Do About It

The reasons why men cheat are both incredibly simple, and incredibly difficult to understand - especially for those who find themselves being cheated on. When it comes down to it, there is only one basic reason that anyone ever cheats: it fulfills them in some way. Where it gets complicated is trying to understand why, and whether or not they can find that fulfillment without cheating.

Let's look at some reasons why men might cheat, and how to deal with it as both the cheater and the cheat-ee. As the cheat-ee, keep in mind that you should never try to take blame on yourself for what happened. Ultimately, it was his decision to cheat, and you can't take responsibility for that.

He cheated to cheat.

It sounds overly simplistic, but some people are "serial cheaters." As the victim in this situation, you probably know if your man is a serial cheater - stories have a way of getting around. Cheating in more than one relationship is almost always a sign of serial cheating.

Of course, serial cheating doesn't have just one cause or motivation. Some men repeatedly get into unfulfilling relationships. Others use cheating to protect themselves from the relationship getting too serious. Still others suffer from sexual addiction.

As the victim of a serial cheater, your best course of action is to move on. If your relationship is otherwise going okay and/or you have children you're responsible for as a couple, then get into some intense couples therapy immediately. It is possible to combat-medic a relationship with a serial cheater, but it won't be easy for either of you.

As a serial cheater, once you've recognized that you have a problem, seek therapy right away. No matter your reasons for doing it, you can work through them and have successful, fulfilling relationships in the future if you are willing to work hard. If the cheat-ee wants out, respect that decision and don't try to hold on to them.

He cheated because he found the "magic."

Both men and women can fall prey to the siren song of a new relationship. The excitement, the butterflies in the stomach, that first kiss - anyone, at any age, can find themselves longing for these things once again. Some men who've never cheated before and still care for their spouses will cheat if they find someone who ignites that adolescent passion.

The factors that lead to this kind of occurance are complex and difficult to understand. It doesn't always mean that there is something wrong with the relationship, or that it necessarily needs "fixing." What it usually means is that the cheater, and quite possibly the cheat-ee, is not feeling fulfilled in life. A romance is exciting and distracts from whatever problems you're dealing with, career-wise, parenting-wise, or anything else.

As the cheater, you should seek individual therapy to see if you can explore ways of personal fulfillment that don't involve being unfaithful. As always, respect your partner's decisions on whether or not to stay in the relationship.

As the cheat-ee, it's entirely up to you. If you still feel committed to the relationship, then set some ground rules: he has to seek therapy, the two of you have to seek therapy together, he can't stay out late at night, whatever you need to make you feel secure for the time being. Do whatever you have to do to start learning to trust him again. But if you find that the trust has not returned after a while, consider re-evaluating the situation.

He cheated because his sex life isn't up to snuff.

This reason isn't as common as you might think, but sometimes, men will cheat because they're not being fulfilled in the bedroom. This is typically a sign of a deeper problem, of course: if a couple can't accomodate each other in bed, it usually means that someone has hang-ups or a communication problem. Ideally, couples should find pleasure in pleasing each other and making each other happy. When that isn't going on, both partners are much more likely to cheat.

As the cheater, it's important to get to the root of the issue. You guessed it: therapy! If you're not able to communicate your needs to your partner, work on why that is. If you stayed in a relationship with someone who refused to meet your needs, figure out why so that it won't happen again. As always, respect your partner's decision on whether or not to make another go of it.

As the cheat-ee, there's a decent chance you can make this work, so if you want to, pursue this option. Therapy is, of course, the best course of action. If you'd rather cut your losses and move on, that's a healthy decision too.

This just scratches the surface of all the underlying issues of cheating, but with any luck, it will help get cheaters and cheat-ees on the right track.

Sources

"Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat." DivineCaroline.com.