Why Men Don't Hear Women

It seems to be the consensus of my wife's Aqua-Fitness class, that men don't hear what women are saying because they have an inbuilt gene that kicks in as they reach middle age. This particular gene prevents men from hearing anything a woman says.

This is absolute BS.

Apart from the fact that the said gene kicks in as soon as the boy child is born, there are a number of reasons why men don't hear women, and they are all the fault of women.

1) Women have a bad habit of changing the topic of conversation halfway through the conversation - and sometimes halfway through a sentence. The woman knows she has changed the subject, but she doesn't deign to inform the man. She then has the audacity to shake her head at the man when he says 'What was that?'

Look at it from the man's point of view. One minute you are talking about the color of your hair and as you are speaking you look out of the window and see a plant peeking up through the snow. It is a plant you have decided to get rid of. Out loud you say, 'That'll have to come out.' Can you blame the man for saying, 'What was that?'

2) Women lie to men, so why should men listen? You don't believe me? Take a brief conversation that happened a few minutes ago.

My Wife: "I'm going to the corner shop. Do you have any cash?"

Me: "All I have in cash is $20."

My Wife: "I'll give you the change when I get back."

Me: "We both know that I'll never see any of that money again, so why lie to me?"

My Wife: "I'm not lying; I'm just hiding the truth from you."

Perhaps a woman should attract the man's attention before talking to him The man doesn't know if the woman is talking to the television, the computer, the dog, the cat, a relation, an imaginary friend - or more likely rambling to themselves - but he is supposed to respond immediately. Before talking to the dog or the cat, the woman says the animal's name first. How about saying the man's name first, then he will know you are talking to him? This small detail would ensure that you are listened to and will prevent men from having receding hairlines caused by your remark bouncing off their foreheads as it skims over their heads.

Lacing your comment with words that the man understands, like Harley, Hemi, In-Line 6, or Chainsaw, will ensure you have some of his attention. If you absolutely must attract the man's attention, begin your sentence with the words that women don't listen to, like 'sex' followed immediately by the word, 'please.'