Why Men Don't Listen

This week's column: Why men don't listen...

This is simple. Men don't listen because we are not usually interested in what anyone has to say unless it's about us, or unless we're the ones talking. How to solve this problem: Again, simple answer. Tell the man in your life how great he is. With practice and a little skill, you can always slide in what you want to talk to him about and he won't notice. Make sure he "believes" he is the greatest, smartest, best looking guy in your life and you can get him to listen to anything else you have to say. You don't necessarily have to adhere to this belief yourself, just so long as "he" thinks you believe it.
Some of the other reasons men rarely listen are as follows:

1) Listening requires effort. The man has to act like he really cares what his spouse or girlfriend is saying to him when in reality, he would rather be watching a game. Men tend to see things in black and white and a lot of what their significant other is telling them requires seeing things in shades of gray. For most men, this is just too much work.

2) Distractions, distractions, distractions. If you are trying to have a conversation with your spouse, or boyfriend, reduce or eliminate the distractions. This includes the TV (as long as there is not a game on. If you turn off the TV during what he considers an important game, he will not listen to you anyway), the radio and make sure the kids are asleep. Men have short attention spans and any distraction can make your male counterpart forget that you are even talking to him.

3) Too much commotion. Don't try to hold a pressing conversation with him at a party or when he first gets home from work. This applies to women as well. When your spouse gets home from work, he/she needs a few moments to decompress. Let them relax for a few minutes and forget about their boss who was yelling at them, the drycleaner who didn't get the stain out or the cop that gave them a ticket on the way home. If you try and hold an important conversation with your significant other during a party, or immediately upon their return from work, chances of them actually listening have dropped to almost nothing. This is especially true of men.

4) If your guy is preoccupied with what he considers "more pressing issues," he will not listen. If he appears to be somewhere else when you are trying to talk to him, ask him what's on his mind. Give him a chance to unload first and he is more apt to listen intently to what you have to say.
NOTE: WATCHING TV OR RESTING WITH HIS EYES OPEN IS NOT NECESSARILY A SIGN THAT HE IS PREOCCUPIED. DON'T GET ANGRY IF YOU ASK HIM WHAT HE IS THINKING AND HE SAYS NOTHING. HE'S PROBABLY IS THINKING OF NOTHING.

5) Men don't listen very well when their spouse is nagging them. I know that most women believe there is no such thing as a "nag" and it is just an excuse for a man not to listen. But, trust me, in a man's world, nags exist. If you are constantly talking "AT" your man, he is interpreting that as nagging. Every man has learned to ignore phrases like "Take out the trash" and "fix the sink...NOW!" Men do not like to be told what to do. If they are "ordered" to do something, they will pretend they never heard you. There are ways to get a man to listen to you and do what you want him to do. Make him think that it's his idea and after he completes the task, praise him. Men are a lot like dogs in this respect. But it works.

6) Most of today's women, as a general rule, don't want a big strong man to solve all their problems; they just want him to listen. Fair enough. But as women you need to understand that men are problem solvers. Granted, what we suggest may not always the best solutions to your problems, but they are solutions. Make sure you let him solve at least some of your problems. This little task will make him feel important and useful. This will allow some of your other, more important issues to creep into the conversation and he is more likely to listen.

I hope this answers your questions about why men don't listen. I know what you thinking. "If what you say is true, then men are little more than three-year-old boys or dogs wanting nothing more than to please their mom or master as long as there is a reward involved." And my answer to that... "Well, Duh!"