Why Men Prefer Women Who Play Dumb Rather Than More Assertive Women

Social psychologists have hard evidence for what many working women already know: If you want to wield influence in a man's world, you have to play dumb. A new study has found that men are much more likely to have their minds changed by women who speak in a tentative, self-deprecating manner than by women who sound like they know what they're talking about. The same study also found that while men are threatened by assertive women, other women prefer them. Women, in fact, are more likely to be swayed by women who speak directly than by those who start their sentences by saying "I really don't know much about this but, "

"It's kind of sad, isn't it?'" says Linda L. Carli, assistant professor of psychology at the College of Holy Cross in Worcester, Massachusetts, who conducted the study. "In some contexts, women are damned if they do and damned if they don't If you're trying to reach an audience of both men and women, you're really in trouble." Another implication of the study is that it doesn't help a woman to have men perceive her as competent. Both the men and women in the study perceived assertive women as being more competent than their tentative sisters, but the men were still more likely to change their opinions after talking to women they perceived as more hesitant and less competent.

The research, which involved 229 psychology students, was published in the Journal of Personality and' Social Psychology."The men in my study described the women who were tentative as less competent and knowledgeable," Ms. Carli said "But they also described them as more trustworthy and they liked them more. So for men it appears that it's more important that a woman be accessible and likable than competent in order to be influenced by them?" Taking previous research into account, Ms. Carli speculates that men are less comfortable with assertive women simply because assertive women threaten their status in society. White males still hold 97 percent of the senior management positions in the United States, and few social scientists would disagree that white men in general retain a higher status than women or minorities.

"A woman who behaves in a high status manner, i.e. a woman who is very direct and sure of herself, is threatening to a man," Ms Carli aid "Something like that must be going on if men are more influenced by tentative woman " Lake Florence Geis, a University of Delaware psychologist who has done similar research, Ms Carli believes this kind of behavior is unconscious: Most women aren't aware they are talking in a more tentative way to hold a man's attention, and most men aren't aware they prefer that approach.

Ms Carli's study dovetails with Ms Geis's research that found that deeply entrenched biases are often unconsciouis. If you ask men in authority roles, they will tell you that they are not biased and their conscious belief in fairness is absolutely sincere, they're not just feeding you a line. What people don't realize is that we were all raised in a society where these stereotypes were considered desirable, and unconsciously these stereotypes still guide our behavior

While research on how effectively minorities wield influence is sparse, both Ms. Carli and Ms. Geis believe the same patterns hold true, for anyone in "low-status" positions, including blacks and ethnic minorities Like women, blacks who are more subtle in their approach may be more persuasive than their more assertive brethren. In the eyes of most people, simply "being male may make one a legitimate leader," the study concludes.

Source:

Austin, Nancy and Stanlee Phelps The Assertive Woman (Personal Growth) 2002

Dale, Paulette Did You Say Something Susan?: How Any Woman Can Gain Confidence With Assertive Communication 2001