Why Must a Wedding Always Be About the Bride?
Reasons Why Your Husband to Be Doesn't Care..
My wedding day is looming fast. Food is being chosen, guest list is being narrowed down, music is being selected…
But one thing I've noticed is that the WHOLE process of marriage and a wedding is oriented to the Bride. HER special day. HER day to be a princess. HER party. There are no men's magazines about 'the big day'. No shops devoted to men's wedding clothing. (Formal wear for all occasions- yes. Wedding day? No.) No TV shows about it.
Everywhere I turn there is lace, satin, and pearls. White, pink, baby blue… Hearts, doves, clasped hands, filigree design work. Girls in fluffy white gowns clinging to men in sharp black suits. More hearts and flowers.
If you're not a girly sort of girl, as I am, it's enough to make you want to gag or scream. I can only imagine the sort of mental anguish this causes a man to go through. Unless I'm mistaken, the bride isn't the only important person at a wedding. Last I checked, she sort of has a groom there to join with, doesn't she? There are only a few things you legally and spiritually need at a wedding to make it valid and he's one of them.
My wedding, I promised my future husband, would be OUR wedding. It's about OUR love and OUR decision to be together. It's not about what I want but what WE want. It's not about what my mother wants or what his mother wants or what our families want. It's about US.
A lot of brides-no, strike that… It's not a lot of brides. It's the world brides are forced to live in. Hearts. Bells. Flowers. Doves. White gowns. Lace. Pearls. Flowers. A bride is TOLD this is what her wedding should be, so she expects it. She's TOLD it's all about her and so she believes it to be.
Sadly this places the groom in the unfortunate position of saying 'Yes dear,' or 'Whatever you want, dear.' He's also been raised in this world of the expectations of a woman's wedding day and has been told all his life his job is just to stand there and say 'I do' when the time comes. Or some fancy speech someone tells him he HAS to give as an affirmation of his love and devotion for his bride.
Brides of the World! Stand up and fight this pathetic trend. Make your wedding day about you AND the man you love. Incorporate things HE likes. Pick your songs together, pick your menu together, find a decorating scheme you BOTH like. Avoid hearts and flowers and go with colors or seasonal motifs. Make sure he gets to go with you to the cake testing. Make sure your guest list includes his friends, even if they're the type your family would object to.
This is HIS day too. Make it a party HE would want to go to and perhaps we can end the trend of annoying bridal magazines, and tons of white pearly lace.
Join me in making a stand against fairy tale weddings where ONE person is living in a horror story. Make your wedding day a day you both will remember fondly, and not one he has to suffer through.
Published by Constance Phillips
Constance is a jack of all trades and a master of none. She's worked with professionals in the entertainment industry and is a minor historian. Her pass-times include gaming, sewing, and research. She hopes... View profile
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3 Comments
Post a CommentI agree. You know, Biblical weddings were a lot different from modern weddings; Biblical weddings were actually about the groom, and the bride was making herself beautiful for the groom, not to be in the spotlight.
One problem, though, with having your husband help, is he's been fed the same ideas--the wedding is about the bride, so he likely won't care, which is a shame!
When I was *gasp* engaged, over a decade ago (scary thought), my then fiance mentioned wanting to see his teenage brother get wasted at the reception. At that point I decided to delay the wedding until the groom would be legal to drink. And, as fate would have it, I dodged that bullet entirely. Still, scary thought, Jason's version of a wedding/reception.
It's about the bride, because the rest of the marriage is all about him ;)