Why Nice Guys Finish Last in the Dating Game

Do nice guys really finish last? Unfortunately, I think there is some truth to this rather dismal view of "how the world really works." But I also think that with a few minor adjustments, the legions of lonely nice guys out there can turn this trend around, at least in the world of dating.

So to all the "nice guys" out there I would say, "Don't lose heart!" There are women who will definitely fall for you and all of your "boy next door" goodness. However, you may need to tweak the nice guy routine just a bit in order to attract their attention.

As far back as high school I can remember any number of my "nice guy" pals bemoaning the fact that the prettiest and most popular girls always seemed to be paired with rude, inconsiderate "bad boys" while failing to give the nice guy with the secret crush a second glance.

While there probably is a small percentage of women who actually have such poor self-esteem that they don't believe that they deserve a nice guy; I really don't believe that this attitude represents the majority of women today. And for all the nice guys out there, if you should happen upon such women, you should run, as fast and as far in the opposite direction as possible. There is no "fixing" this type of woman fellas so don't even try!

The problem with being a nice guy is that sometimes you may fall into the trap of being nothing but "nice". Women want "nice" certainly, but we also need that extra little "somethin' somethin'" too. Otherwise, some of us tend to get very bored, very quickly.

It's not so different from men and their attraction to beautiful women. A lot of guys will initially be anxious to date a drop-dead gorgeous girl even if she has no personality, is incredibly vain or cruel, is stupid or treats all men like dirt. He might put up with all these negative traits for awhile and many men would almost certainly go to bed with such a woman if the opportunity presented itself. But is the average man likely to stay married to such a woman for 20 years? Probably not.

Likewise, if a guy is "nice" but also rather bland and boring, it is difficult for women to generate much long-term excitement. Contrary to popular belief not all women are looking for fabulously wealthy, jet-setting playboys or Harley riding dangerous dudes. But there still needs to be some sort of spark to keep us interested and eager to learn more about you. The fact that you open our doors for us, use a napkin and know how to chew with your mouths closed is a good start, but it does not a long-term relationship make.

So guys, find your own unique niche. If you focus on and develop whatever it is that makes you uniquely "you" I guarantee that there is a woman somewhere who will appreciate that. Maybe you have a great sense of humor. This attribute is high on my list of priorities. A financially challenged man who can make me laugh when I'm feeling down has always been worth more to me than a rich man who can't. Or maybe you're a "Mr. Fix-It", handy with hammers, power tools or all things electronic. Or perhaps you can sing like Frank Sinatra, dance like Michael Jackson or "throw down" in the kitchen like Emeril or Bobby Flay. Don't be shy about showing the ladies your skills, whatever they may be.

I once broke up with a "nice guy" because, quite frankly, he bored me to tears. Imagine my surprise when I later found out that he had lived this varied and interesting life that he just never bothered to share when we were dating. While in the military he'd explored German castles and tasted fine French cuisine in Paris. Later, he'd worked as a State Police officer and had any number of stories involving hair-raising high speed chases and potentially violent drug raids. But somehow, it had never occurred to him that I might find these tidbits interesting.

I can't say for sure that knowing these things would have instantly transformed my feelings for him into something more serious, but it might have been a good start. I'm certain I wouldn't have been nearly as quick to dismiss him out of hand as a nerdy computer geek who dominated all of our conversations with dissertations of the pros and cons of various types of programming code.

I think too many nice guys fall into the habit of being "one-trick ponies." They concentrate so much on being nice and polite that they forget to be interesting and fun. There are lots of things that make you special guys, aside from your inherent "niceness". Look at it this way; most women love to shop, so what better way to "close the deal" with us than to offer us the full variety of your personality, interests and experiences. Put all your best stuff out there and let us choose what we like best. The fact that you're nice as well is just a bonus.