Why I Do Not Speak in Public

A few weeks ago my professor approached me before class, to tell me how much she loved my descriptive essay. Normally this would be taken as a huge compliment, which it was, but the sentence that followed this praise was the dreaded, big question. "Could you read your essay out loud to the class?" The horror that went through my mind at that moment was something that I wish on no human being. As the words, "absolutely not" were about to escape my lips, I found that yes had already come out. It was too late, I was done for.

Speaking in public comes as naturally to me as it does to a gorilla. It's something I don't do on a regular basis and something I hopefully never need to do in my life. I avoid it all costs, and with some of the things I hear people say in public places, I believe that many other people should shun this behavior as well. The other problem I have is the inability to say no. I've put myself into some dumb situations because I feel this need to please people, and when under pressure, yes is the only word that comes to mind.

As I returned to my desk in a daze, I could feel all the symptoms of a major stroke coming on. Blurred vision, sweaty palms, heart palpitations and the dreaded cottonmouth, which is always good when one needs to read out loud to strangers. At this point I actually started to hope I would have a stroke, but the Man upstairs would not hear of it. This was a test, I was Dante in his Inferno, only Virgil wasn't here to guide me out. I was on my own. The class began and the effects of my nervousness only multiplied. My mind started to play out wild scenarios that could occur and get me out of this. Maybe the two guys arguing about politics would get so heated, it would actually escalate into an all out brawl. If this occurred I would try and get in the middle of it, and hopefully take a wild punch to my twice broken nose, which would gush so much blood, I would need to immediately be taken to the hospital. This would end my torture, and put a stop to an argument that no one will ever win. I tried to think of how I could make a blowgun out of my pen and a paperclip. All I needed was some poison from a tree frog and I could secretly take someone out from the front row. Public safety would be called and class would end, with my essay forgotten about. The person would be okay, after all a poisonous dart never killed anyone except a monkey in a tree. The mind will do crazy things when put to the test. None of these events actually happened, and when the moment of truth came I sucked it up and began stumbling my way through my "masterpiece". All eyes were on me, and I wanted to scream at everyone that it's not polite to stare. Halfway through the reading, while hyperventilating, I actually felt as if I would faint. This would not be good because I liked this class, and if I did faint I would never be able to show my mug here again. Somehow I made it through the reading, and felt as if I had just run a marathon. This was a harrowing experience but in the end I was actually glad that I did it, although I do think I make a pretty good argument of why I should not be permitted to speak in a public forum. Cause: writing a good paper, Effect: near nervous breakdown. Never having to do it again: priceless.