Why Our Teens Are Not Growing Up

These days teens are getting harder and harder to control. Unfortunately, that's the spirit of the times: control. Teenagers are almost adults, coming into adulthood with all of its joys and responsibilities. There is a better way to teach them how to be adults than what you may be doing now. Here are some time-honored suggestions for change in your behavior:

Let go of control. Irresponsible, lazy parents, and we've all had or been those, think that controlling your teen is the solution. How is that working for ya? Do they, oh I don't know, rebel when you start yelling at them and punishing them? That's because they are coming into their own and they, by right, have some clout and control over their own lives. This is a natural, organic thing, so don't freak out yet. If they are behaving badly, it is not actually because they are teenagers. It is a continuance of the parenting which they received as kids. If you fell down on your job at that time, then you're going to have a pretty unruly teen. The key is to recognize that, by right, they have control over their lives, and that you should stop trying to control them. It won't work. Instead, start taking responsibility for your own actions and watch yourself. They have figured you out by now, and if you have any character flaws, they will already have identified them and dismissed you as a bad parent. They won't have any respect for you. Watch yourself and straighten yourself up first, before you even think about continuing with them.

Teaching them ourselves. A lot of parents have bought into the societal hype that teens will do what they do and that they will hate any input from parents. Unfortunately, this has caused many parents to stop talking to their teens at all. Growing adults need bonding with their families so that they have a strong support system on which to build their own, independent lives. You'll find that the more bonding and family activities your teen has, the more independent they will be later on. Give your growing adult a strong foundation, when they're kids and now, and they will turn into responsible adults.

Trusting their empires. One of the best ways to encourage your teen is to uplift them with solid, supportive words and actions. One way is to make a conscious choice to trust them, no matter what. You should not be dependent upon them, so don't let your emotions get in the way of this decision. Show them this trust by allowing them to do their own thing, and also praising them for responsible action which they are already taking. Recognize that they are building their own, individual empires and that they need to know how much you recognize this. Tell them good ways to build themselves up financially, relationship-wise and in your family, and then sit back and let their creation wow you.

Most teens are treated like little kids, then when they become adults, are expected to act like adults. If they have not been treated as adults, you will not find them acting like adults. If you have not raised them properly when they were kids or set a decent example for them, you'll find out all sorts of things they really think about your hypocrisy. Straighten up, and enjoy your more trusting home.