Why Do Parents Return Adopted Children?
This is certainly not the first case of parents returning an adopted child. In 2009, a couple from Oklahoma made news as they went through legal channels attempting to return the child that they had adopted two years earlier. After the adoption, the child spent a year in a psychiatric ward because he had tried to burn the family's house down, attempted to kill animals and left written death threats for the family. He was diagnosed with several psychiatric disorders, none of which were disclosed to the family before or during adoption. The Oklahoma Department of Human Services denied that the child had any emotional or behavior problems.
In another 2009 case, a couple returned their adopted child claiming that despite "pouring love" on the child, parents and child were not bonding. The problems caused by the child were affecting their marriage, so they asked that the child be placed in a different home. The mother said the adoption "wasn't working" and felt the child "deserved the best."
About 11 percent of American adoptions are "disrupted," meaning that the adopted children are not permanently placed with their adoptive family. Most commonly, adoptions are disrupted because the birth parents decide to break the adoption agreement. Situations where the adoptive parents return the adopted child are rare.
The most common reason for returning an adopted child is termed "failure to attach," which includes a myriad of situations. According to the North Carolina Department of Social Services and the Family & Children's Resource Program, "Parents reported extreme behavior problems, including fire setting, defecating inappropriately, cruelty to people and pets, destroying property, extreme temper tantrums, self-abuse (e.g., head banging) and suicidal threats."
In the case of the recently returned Russian boy, the local sheriff reports that the family was afraid of the boy's violent and sociopathic behavior. Supporters of the mother claim that she was lied to and wouldn't have adopted the boy if she had known of his problems. Critics claim that she could have placed the boy with a private adoption agency instead of sending him back to Russia.
Sources:
www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2009/12/health-controversy-these-adopt.html
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/33117703/ns/today-parenting_and_family/
www.practicenotes.org/vol1_no4/why_do_adoptions_fail.htm
www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/04/12/earlyshow/main6387514.shtml
www.google.com/#q=russian+adoptions+suspended&hl=en&sa=G&tbs=nws:1&tbo=u&ei=mITDS9mfIIH_8AaQiIXyCA&oi=news_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CA8QsQQwAA&fp=467c3568f2eec009
Published by Kay Whittenhauer
Kay Whittenhauer resides in Rochester, NY, with her husband, their teenage son, and a rambunctious dog of mysterious pedigree. She works year-round as an office administrator at a non-profit organization and... View profile
- After Christmas Sale and Opinion I didn't believe in Santa Clause. My parents thought it was all rubbish, and they knew it wouldn't destroy our innocence, so they just told us the truth. I only remember three Christmas trees...
- A Uniformed RantSchool uniforms are becoming the new trend in public schools and it is one that many parents embrace. But not this parent.
Guide to Fun Activities in Copenhagen, Denmark for Families with Children Wonder Spaces, moats with ducks, rabbit maze, story-telling night watchman... These are some of Copenhagen's offerings that have special appeal to children.
The Adoption of Special Needs Children The purpose of this article is to raise awareness and let others know the joy these special parents feel because of the special children in their lives. It is to offer informat...- What Foster Parents/Youth WantMany social workers seemed to think they knew ALL the questions as well as the answers to them. This is despite the fact that many of them were young, right out of college and never parented children themselves.
- Melissa and Tony Wescott Want an Adoption Return
- Adopted Children & Their Birth-Parents
- Child Adopted, Then Returned, MSNBC Story Reports
- How Adoption Affects Child Development
- A Mother's Love: The Rights of Adoptive and Biological Parents
- Advice for Parents of Adopted Children: How and When to Talk About Adoption
- Benefits of Professional Dog Training - 10 Reasons Why Your Dog Needs It
24 Comments
Post a CommentWhen everyone writes "how sad", and then go on to blame the family, I want to ask them to please adopt a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder or Fetal Alcohol. Your opinion of these families will change. You are putting families at risk for failure before they start. Usually this is in the United States more than overseas, I believe that is why the big hoopla. We have this every day. Families living with extremely troubled kids and nowhere to turn. What agency has stepped up to help and relieve adoptive families until crisis mode, without blaming the adoptive families for maltreatment. This is a huge problem and is always blamed on the adoptive family instead of blaming the people who damaged the children in the first place. Yet we do not blame the agencies for corrupt behavior of ignoring the problem of these extremely troubled kids. Hopefully agencies are forthcoming with backgrounds so that families that do not choose troubled kids, won't be harmed in the future.....
and then on the other sad part is when a birth parent gives their baby up for adoption (in the US) they have up to 6 months to come get it back. A friend of a relative of mine was unable to have any of her own children (actually mom and dad both had problems). they adopted a little girl. The birth mother seemed to not care at all. She didnt even want to hold her. When Hannah Grace was almost 6 months hold, the birthday mother came back and got her back.
Very sad situation but a very well written article. What you said about "failure to attach" made think of some family members we have who adopted a toddler from overseas. The traumatic situation she came out of before the adoption really affected her and it was over 6 months before she in any way attached herself despite them doing everything they possible could do. It was heartbreaking but now she is 5 and such a sweetheart and a big time Daddy's/Mama's girl. I know that isn't the outcome for everyone but in their case it turned out well after a lot of perseverance and patience.
It's very said, I have been watching this.
I've been following this case and I was also saddened at the outcome. I've never actually heard of a case like this before though when an adopted child was sent back, except in cases where the adoption was illegal and the child was not voluntarily given up by the biological parent(s).
Sophie
It's so sad. I hate thinking about what it does to the child.
This is so very sad.
I could never do that.
From what I have heard he was 'poured love' with things. To often I think people buy buy buy when the should instead spend time with their child not money on them. Children do not come with a return policy.
Would someone in their right mind send their own child away? Let's be realistic, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit.