Why Pay Your Kids for Good Grades?
The Value of Not Paying for Success
Growing up in a middle class family, my parents stressed the value of learning as both a means to an end, and the goal itself. I received occasional praise at home for my excellent grades. But my folks stressed the learning process itself: the struggle to achieve, and the pride in accomplishment, as the worthy elements in my education journey. Luckily for me, I applied myself and achieved good grades, but I never earned short term rewards like cash or allowance. My important needs were always fulfilled ~ family meals, nice clothes, a few vacations, occasional treats "just because". I like the values my parents engendered; maybe that's why I follow their example with my own kids.
I don't pay my kids for good grades. Both my children try hard in school and often earn good grades; each applying their own strengths and values. I appreciate each "A" that makes it to their final grade report. And I marvel when they make their school's honor roll or are awarded a special distinction. I cheer for them if they advance to District Spelling Bee, and I share their tears if they don't win. I applaud their honor band concerts and solo performances. I visit their classroom to see their hard work in progress.
In short, I reward scholastic success and commiserate not-so-successful moments with the greatest gift of all - my attention. My kids know what's most important to their Mom and Dad: Giving their all in everything they try and do. Nothing more, or less, will do.
Should you pay your kids for good grades? I believe this sets the wrong example. Education itself, should be our gift, our prize, our payment, our incentive. Without education, our children would have a bleak future indeed. Paying for good grades seems like paying a child to receive a precious gift. When we send our kids to school, help them with homework and study for tests, we pay attention to their progress and demonstrate how hard work, in general, engenders success.
I may be altruistic, but more than anything, I want my children to struggle for success, and to appreciate their grades as rewards in themselves. Teachers may give students candy or stickers; high marks should truly be earned, not given away. But ultimately, the greatest rewards teachers give students are not good grades. Teachers' most priceless gifts are intangible: knowledge, cheer-leading, compassion, challenges, insight, constructive criticism.
When students grapple with tough issues, apply their knowledge, struggle to achieve, aim for the stars, and succeed above the odds (maybe not even earning an "A") ~ what price could possibly be attached to the process? Money is important, but why pay kids for grades, when grades are just an intermediate step in the process of becoming an adult and productive member of the work force?
Are you wrong if you pay your kids for grades? Maybe that's what your parents did and it helped inspire you to achieve. Or maybe your kids responded positively to the incentive and turned their ways around. So no, if it works for you, I think you should do it, as long as you continually praise the process of learning, over the product. I want my kids to value education for the benefits it brings their soul, not simply for the grade they get, and its associated and financial reward.
If I don't pay for grades, how do I reward my children? My kids definitely understand the concept that if they slack off in school, they may be penalized in some fashion. Their video games, TV, or phone privileges will be cut until grades improve significantly. Conversely, if my children step up their performance and achieve the goals we both set, they will be rewarded by our positive attention, and maybe even a special meal, family outing or vacation.
Is it old fashioned to value learning for the sake of learning, and not for financial reward? Maybe it is, but some old fashioned values are good for the soul. I hope to instill a sense of achievement and satisfaction through school success, rather than the idea that achievement in learning is a commodity for payment.
Feel free to comment, even if you disagree with me. I don't wish to make other parents feel bad about their choices, just to provide food for thought about the values their choices might demonstrate for their kids.
Published by Jennifer Kate
Happily married wife and mother living in the Rocky Mountain West. My goal in writing is to enlighten readers in an entertaining manner. View profile
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10 Comments
Post a Commentmy guess is that we were not paying our kids near enough to be their only motivation for getting good grades. It was more like a monetary gift, much the same as you might give your kids a cash gift when they graduate. I am not sure what amount would be required to really have an impact if this was a kids sole reason for getting good grades. I think I know what you mean about wanting the kids to value other things besides just money but money is also a factor. For instance our daughter wanted to go to school for music. We supported that but suggested that she study some thing else too so she got a minor in marketing. This has served her well because while she does do some work with her music, the job that pays the bills for her is in business. There probably is no perfect formula for raising kids but its great that you are mindful of the decisions you make.
Hi Becky,
You know, I agree about our kids having minds of their own, as far as savers vs. spenders, and many other traits. I believe in nature & nurture, and when I see my kids being neat, I know there is some amazing force in the world that supersedes my influence. And yes, I do hope they will be financially independent! We are always talking about colleges, degrees and careers. I am thinking that paying kids for grades is not such a bad thing, as long as it is accompanied by the sentiment that education is worth more than just money, whether present or future earning potential. My main point was that I want my kids to value learning for how it matures them, how it enlightens them, and how the process strengthens their drive to succeed and never stop seeking knowledge.
Cheers :~D
Hi Jennifer, I felt it was a good discussion and thanks for allowing me to chime in. In a perfect world I might have adopted more of your ideals but since I did not pick the values of the rest of the world part of the reason to teach my kids about earning money had to do with wanting them to be prepared to be self sufficient in the real world. I felt they needed to have the desire to make money for that to happen. I am sure there are other ways to teach that lesson as I am sure you do not plan on supporting your kids for life :-) We just included it with the grades too. Funny thing is, and I am sure you have experienced this, is that no matter what message you try to send to your kids they all turn out slightly different. Our daughter is a little saver and our son is a spender. Both raised with the same values and teachings about money...two different outcomes. Lucky for our son he married a girl who is a saver so it all worked out and both kids are now financially independent.
Hi Becky,
Thanks for your experience. I'm sure you raised your kids to value education, for the many values it brings (including the ability to earn scholarships and a future living). I admit, I am more altruistic than focused on the monetary value of an education. I think our values shine through to kids, whether or not we actually pay them. So, in that respect, I feel that as long as you're modeling good values at home, you probably can't hurt your kids by paying them for grades. And in your family's case, maybe it did some good :)
PS I had totally forgotten I wrote this article ~ thanks for bringing it back to live :)
We gave monetary rewards to our kids for bringing home good report cards. We also paid them to do their chores until they had jobs rather that just give them an allowance. We purposefully gave our kids money for their hard work because that is what makes the world go around. My hope was that when they were finished with school that they would get the connection between hard work, feeling pride in a job well done as well as the connection to how that work can earn them money. I guess so far it worked out for us as both kids have graduated from College. On a related topic, our daughter got a 3/4 tuition scholarship to her college of choice for her grades, test scores plus competing in an essay and interview competition. She remarked to me later that if she had realized exactly how much money her grades were worth she might have worked even harder to get more scholarship money. So perhaps there is something to gain in teaching kids that their grades can earn them some cash.
Great article, Jennifer... yeah, call me old fashioned, as well, but I don't believe in paying a child for good grades. My mother said to us that "our only jobs as kids was to go to schoold and be the best we could be"... of course, she had high expectations, and we delivered! All of her children have university degrees, and two of us have advanced degrees. She was a single mom, and is always immensely proud to tell people that all of her children did great in school... she was our most fervent cheerleader, and we couldn't let her down!
Thanks for your thoughts, Kara! It sounds like we're on the same wavelength. So far, it's working well with my kids ~ they know they need to limit tv and games, or there may be consequences.
Cheers ~ Jennifer
Great article on an important topic. Personally, I do not believe in rewarding for grades. To me, these are benchmarks designed to show where the child is at in their school work, and where they need additional help. I also do not think there should be a punshment for poor grades, unless of course the cause of the bad grades is something like too much time on computer or video games (such as when I was a kid, my mother took away my Nintendo when I failed one too many spelling tests...she decided I wasn't studying for my tests enough, and I now thank her for this).
Dear Merchants ~
Please stop posting spam comments on my article. I will keep deleting them, and I do not plan on shopping at your websites.
Thanks very much ~ Jennifer
Good article, Jennifer.