Why Do People Really Choose Attachment Parenting?

There are many articles about the attachment parenting approach to child-rearing, detailing the benefits of parenting practices such as cosleeping, babywearing, and gentle discipline. The overall goal is to foster a strong bond between parent and child, creating the security a child needs to become independent. However, the real reasons people chose to practice attachment parenting often have little to do with research on the benefits. Parents were recently asked why they identify with the attachment parenting style, and here's what they said.

The number one reason parents say they chose the attachment parenting philosophy is that it just feels right. One mother describes the reasoning behind her approach as being derived from simple human empathy. "If I were small and helpless and powerless and unable to do most things for myself, how would I want to be treated?" For most women, it is more about intuition. A mother's natural instinct when her child cries is to respond. It is human nature to want to be near those we love and to be gentle with them. Doing otherwise often feels wrong, and if it feels wrong, it probably is.

The second most common reason given may surprise you: laziness. Mothers choose breastfeeding because it's often easier than mixing formula and washing bottles. They cosleep because it makes night nursing easier. They wear their babies and keep them near so they don't have to walk across the room to respond to crying. Most are against spanking and crying it out, because who wants to listen to the resulting screams? Even homeschooling is easier on some families, eliminating the morning rush out the door and the hectic homework time in the evening.

Another answer high on the list was simple cheapness. Attachment parenting is very inexpensive. Strollers often cost upwards of $100, whereas most slings and even high-end baby carriers like Mei Teis and wraps sell for under $100. Cribs often cost more than $200, but cosleeping is completely free. The costs of bottles and formula alone are bountiful, making breastfeeding a very frugal manner of feeding a baby, and it is estimated that medical bills for formula-fed babies can cost thousands more. Even the average homebirth costs thousands less than the typical hospital birth.

Some people chose it because of their own childhood. They may just be raising their children in the same way that they were parented. On the other hand, they may have been parented in a complete opposite manner that made them keen to try a new approach with their own children.

Research on anthropology has led many to believe this is the normal, natural, traditional way to parent. Combined with the fact that it feels right, is easy, and doesn't cost as much for accessories, they are probably right. One cannot argue that breastfeeding is the natural way to feed a baby. In many cultures closer to nature, babywearing and cosleeping are the norm.

The final reason people give is common sense. It just makes sense to them that babies would be happier near their parents, that breasts are made for breastfeeding and babies made to nurse, that crying is a call for help that should be heeded. For most people who identify with attachment parenting, they just tried it, and it worked.

Attachment parenting isn't a checklist of practices; it is just a philosophy, an approach to child-rearing. As another mother told me, "It is about knowing your child, knowing their needs, and providing what is best for your kid and meeting their needs." The practices associated with attachment parenting won't work for every child and family, and they aren't what attachment parenting is all about. You do what works for your kids and feels right in your heart; that is the true goal of attachment parenting.