Why Are You Really Afraid of Commitment?

Why is lack of desire for commitment associated with fear? Who says that anyone is actually afraid of commitment? The truth is, practically nobody is truly afraid of spending the rest of their lives with the right person. "Fear of commitment" is not simply a modern device to refrain from marriage. It is doubt in the eligibility of your partner or yourself.

Who is not good enough? The majority of people who are "afraid" of commitment do not deem either themselves or their partner worthy of eternal love. We live in a society that is rampant with self-doubt, self-questioning and, worst of all, self-discovery. This constant focus on whether we should or should not be doing something or whether it is true to ourselves is highly destructive. Rather than doing, we are only thinking. Rather than making the journey, we are only busy planning it. This constant need for reevaluation and change of direction will leave many roads incomplete and untraveled. No wonder we consider ourselves not ready to make the trip.

On the other side of the coin lie the people who do not deem their partners worthy of commitment. This is actually a very common occurrence, but few will admit to judging others in this manner. Advice permeates the air to be happy with what we have, to not reach for the stars, and to not set our expectations too high. The truth is if you have worked long and hard to get where you are today, then why should you not demand equal effort from your life partner? Is it fair to you or to them to drag them through a parent ride-along?

Who has become acceptable? Many of us hear words of destructive advice over and over until we begin to believe them. You are given advice to give them another chance, advice to not give up so easily and encouragement to stick it out. These helpful words are not accompanied by a discerning spirit. No thought is given to lack of personal responsibility, lack of emotional maturity and not being able to succeed on one's own first. You are steadfastly informed that you should love and accept all people, apparently until they run you into debt and frustration.

Many people stick with their boyfriend or girlfriend only because they are now comfortable and are reaping benefits from the relationship. This half-hearted state of comfort is destroying any motivation to better themselves or to grow or to reach for higher opportunities. Do not fall into naivety concerning their influence over you. If they are half-hearted about their lives, you will be half-assed about yours.

Who has grown too much? Some people grow anyway, get their lives put together and want out of the relationship, but they are simply afraid of change. This fear will decrease rapidly as they improve themselves and raise their level of emotional maturity. If you are on the other end of just such a relationship and you do not begin balancing the weight of power with your own development of self, you can expect to be dumped rather quickly.

Who is no longer worthy? The solid truth concerning people who are "afraid of commitment" is that if they are unsure of the relationship now, chances are they will be unsure of the relationship in the future. It may be years down the road, but nobody likes to feel or be manipulated and if they realize at some point that their partner is holding them back, something somewhere will snap. It may be messy, it may cause a lot of pain on both sides, but it will happen.

Nobody likes to hear this, but if someone is sure of their stability and is sure of you and is excited about the relationship, it does not matter how many times they profess fear of commitment. They will drag you to the altar by your ears. If it has been two years and they are still dragging their feet, you can bet this will not have a happy ending.

Now, as you are reading this, either dealing with commitment yourself or dealing with lack of commitment from someone else, remember to focus on your end goal. Do you want to be where you are right now in fifteen years? Do they really want to be with you? Are you wasting your time? There is no such thing as fear of commitment. There is only lack of enthusiasm.