Why Romance is in the Eye of the Beholder

Being a sucker for romance, and with the upcoming holidays, it's easy to start waxing sentimental and get all gooey-hearted over things that usually don't cause us to blink. The season encourages family get-togethers and of course, watching holiday classics and then some. For some reason, many of us revisit the classics over the holidays, and they don't have to be holiday-themed, either. Usually, they're romance-genre, but to keep the guys happy, most long-suffering girlfriends and wives will agree, reluctantly, to check out the usual adventure or thriller types as well.

Here comes the tricky part. Can romance be disguised in a thriller or an action drama? How can we get around this? Better yet, can romance be found in something palatable enough for a guy and yet something that will please our own viewing tastes? It all depends what theatre seat you're sitting in. Take some of these classics, for example.

Some have commented that they find Sir Anthony Hopkins' portrayal of the infamous Hannibal Lector romantic. Okay, so he's a bit off the deep end, but how many people do you know who would actually chop off his own hand to save you? Actually, if you think about it long enough, you wonder what the bloody heck he did with the handcuff key in the first place. He could have saved himself the trouble, but it's the thought that counts, right?

Or how about Eric Draven, (the original Brandon Lee) from 'The Crow'? So, the guy wears enough makeup to put Alice Cooper to shame, but look at his pecs! And don't forget, he comes back from the grave to avenge Shelley, his dead fiancé. What's more romantic than that? Even the birds like him! No?

Okay, how about the original Darkman? Okay, his face is all melted off, but weren't we raised not to judge a book by its cover and to remember that beauty is only skin deep? Same goes for the Phantom of the Opera. All he wants is to be loved by Christine, for crying out loud! Why can't she get beyond the scars? Not with me yet? All right. Consider Quasimodo, you know, the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Yeah, he's appearance- challenged, but what a guy! How can you deny that poor man's sense of chivalry and loyalty? All he wanted was to be loved, and he risks his all to save Esmeralda. How much more romantic can you get than that? And don't forget Marv, the disfigured killer from Sin City. Sure, he has a few social-behavior problems, but cut him some slack; he's out to avenge his dead prostitute girlfriend.

I could go on, but I think I've made my point. There are certainly good 'old-fashioned' heroes out there. You know who I'm talking about. The cute heroes. Take Heathcliff, for example. The morose, tight-lipped hero from Wuthering Heights enjoyed new life through Ralph Fiennes' 1992 portrayal of the tormented soul, and he certainly wasn't hard on the eyes, either. And who can deny the appeal of Alan Ladd as Shane, and okay, okay, Clark Gable as Rhett Butler. But come on, they all don't have to be Cary Grant, although he is something to behold; that quaint accent, those eyes... that smile. I know, he's dead now, like most of the other classic actors, but us modern women aren't exactly hurting. Movies these days are churning out new and improved heroes, heroes who are allowed to bear more than ever before. Why, we've got Brad Pitt, if you're into blonds, and Leonardo DiCaprio. For those of us who prefer the darker look, there's Hugh Jackman (come and get it, Wolverine!) And oh my goodness, let's not leave out Antonio Banderas. Yikes! And oh, let's not forget Johnny Depp... wait, I need my bib.

Us women must always strive to realize that romance is more than candlelight, roses and candy. Sure, we can do without the candlelight and roses, but let's not be too hasty discarding that candy. We also realize that romance is more than syrupy endearments and undying declarations of love, but again, there's some ancient thing inside of us that, for some silly reason, yearns to hear it anyway. Still, let's keep it real. Authors out there in book land create wonderfully romantic characters, characters that many of us would like to call our own. Why in the world can't we train our guys to behave like that, anyway? Perhaps that's the reason for creating the romance genre. This way, we can finally have the man of our dreams. You think?

Coming back to reality, most of us are mature enough to understand that the men we date or are married to aren't nearly as 'romantic' as their fictional or movie counterparts. Don't ask why not, but that seems to be the way it is. They may not measure up to the physical standards portrayed in many books and films, but who really cares? If you're young, you care about their abs, (six pack or no six pack?) and you care if they have hair you can run your fingers through, but for us more mature women, those things tend to lose their sense of importance as we reluctantly age, though heaven knows, those six pack abs will never lose their appeal.

Anyway, getting back to my point, our men are real. They're flesh and blood and if we're really lucky, they stand by us through thick or thin and shopping sprees. While we may wish our boyfriends or husbands could be as dashing as Rhett or as handsome as Zorro, let's face it; those guys would probably drive us crazy too. On paper and film screens, we see our 'fantasy romance guys' at their best.

Do you ever wonder what our screen and literary heroes were like on their bad days? Surely they woke up in a bad mood once in a while. Did Rhett snore? Imagine poor Scarlett trying her best to get him to stop. They didn't have nasal strips then, but I'd be willing to wager she couldn't have gotten him to wear one anyway. "I don't snore that loud, Scarlett, and frankly, I don't give a damn."

Can you imagine Hannibal Lector's complaint while eyeing his fair love with ire, "Now, Clarice, is it really so difficult to make a decent breakfast on a Saturday morning? Do I need to show you how again?" Or better yet, it's not a far reach to hear the Phantom bellowing, "You threw away my favorite s-h-i-r-t!" to a dumbfounded Christine. Can you imagine Zorro exclaiming to his fair lady, "You bought what? And it cost what? Why? You already have one!"

Ring any bells?

Everyone has his or her own opinion as to what is romantic. What, after all, actually constitutes romance? Is it a candlelit dinner, or cuddling in front of a fire? Can it be rollerblading with your guy or just hanging out with each other? And where do we get our expectations from, anyway?

At this point, it should behoove us to remember that romance comes wrapped in many different packages. It may come silently like a tender hug in the middle of the night, or a warm body to lean against as you watch the town Christmas tree ablaze in lights. Romance may be a smile sent your way or a casual touch of the fingers. Romance doesn't have to sweep you off your feet, although that would be a nice sensation as long as you don't get hurt in the process.