Why "Screech" Should Go Out with Gary Coleman and Where They Should Go

Though according to some reports Screech may be longer than the circumference of Gary Coleman's head, the fact that the two are already in Park City, Utah at the Sundance Film Festival-or are at least in the same area of Main Street-makes for some good publicity.

To wit, the two have already been seen collecting swag like two street urchins waiting in line at a soup kitchen who then get their first meal in hours.

These two make collecting swag look like a lost art, hustling and bustling about Main Street in a quest to win some kind of contest that is unbeknownst to the rest of society.

K-Fed and Isaac Cohen have nothing on these guys, apparently.

Not even the swag distributors know what Screech and Coleman are doing as they shuffle about PC with their entourages, hoping to peek into the kinds of bags reserved for people who really are famous-and then scurry off into the cold air like shifty foxes with their second-rate boxes of whatever.

Screech has employed a film crew to help him attain his pinnacle, which is collecting as much swag as possible-even if that means begging for it.

I think Screech and Coleman should first try to head up to Deer Valley. I hear the food is outstanding, and perhaps they could sneak out the back door with some appetizers from Zoom, Robert Redford's restaurant along with a baguette and scurry off into the snow like two mule deer trying to avoid a Peterbilt.

Then they could head back down the mountain toward PC proper and go back what they are apparently doing best-and that's looking for leftovers. In this case Screech could say he could do a favor for a favor-and walk out with a movie ticket. He appears to be that kind of guy and so he could name-drop Gary Coleman, as in, "Yeah, I've got (Coleman) under my faux-fur coat here," to which the acneed movie attendant would reply, "Oh, really? My mom loved Gary Coleman when he was a kid."

In the end, though, there's nothing like dinner and a movie-and perhaps even someone into kinky things could hand the duo a round of sake at some trendy Main Street sushi bar.

That would keep them warm for the night-and provide them a safe and comfortable place to stay, at least in the case of Coleman, who could likely fit right into Screech's lap.