Why "Shacking Up" Before You Get Married is a Good Idea

Anyone that assumes total compatibility in his or her relationship based on simply dating a person is building a marriage that's doomed to fail. It doesn't matter how many nights you sleep over, or how many weekend trips you make together, until two people are stuck in each other's face on daily basis all the cards are not on the table.

No matter how often you do it, spending a few nights a week together is still a host/guest situation. People are always automatically on their best behavior when they're not at home. It doesn't matter who is sleeping at whose place. Because, even if it's your own, you're going to act differently when you have a guest than you would by yourself. Likewise, someone else is going to act differently staying with you than if they were home alone.

But, when you're living with a romantic partner, you're rarely ever alone. You don't have those private moments to scratch an itch when nobody else is looking, and you can't leave things lying around and assume nobody else will see them. It's an absolute fact that sharing your life with another person means that you give up a certain degree of privacy. And, in return, they give up a measure of privacy as well.

But, the kicker is that it's not really a bad thing. When you start to drop your formal behavior and have no choice but to fully be yourself, it gives your partner a chance to evaluate you from a more realistic point of view. And, by the same process, you learn more about them as well. When you can no longer hide behind separate domiciles, you have no choice but to really look at the person you're with and realize their good and bad points.

That works both ways though. Not only do you see them, but they learn more about you as well. And, in the best cases, you form a stronger bond of mutual trust and friendship because there really are no more secrets left to hide and you can be accepted for who you are. In the worst cases, you come to realize that person you thought you knew is far more complex than you ever imagined. Or, maybe they come to realize that about you.

No matter which way the pendulum swings though, two people are ultimately better off building a solid relationship of friendship and true honesty before the legalities and complications of marriage are involved. If a person wants a spouse who's truly their best friend and lifetime companion, then they have to be willing to invest the time and effort to share every aspect of their life with them before committing to marriage. And, it's equally important to have a thorough understanding of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with before you put the notion down in a legally binding contract.