Why Shouldn't People Be Afraid of Clowns?

Coulrophobia, the fear of clowns, is more common than you might think. It's not a fear that people have so that they can use it as fertile material for a stand-up routine. It's very serious to those who are afflicted with coulrophobia. Some refuse to watch movies or television programs if they involve clowns at all. It's easy to make fun of someone who is afraid of clowns. I've done it in the past. But I got to thinking; why shouldn't people be afraid of clowns? What have clowns done for us lately? Have clowns given us a reason to welcome them with open arms? I think not!

It's not normal for someone to smile all of the time. You just know that beneath the adipose greasepaint and the multi-hued ribbons, a bitter man is waiting for his cigarette break. But he's waiting with a smile on his face. It's the kind of smile that deceives children and deflates balloon animals. These people do not have anything to be happy about. They're clowns! They might chortle like a sugar-fueled toddler, but they masturbate like everyone else. Clowns defecate, urinate, ejaculate, rape, and kill. Perhaps I'm going a bit too far. Clowns aren't murderers, are they?

WRONG! The most notorious culprit was John Wayne Gacy. As I'm sure you're aware, Gacy was a professional clown entertainer who raped and murdered teenage boys in his spare time. But that was decades ago. There haven't been any recent cases of clown crime, right? WRONG! Click here to read about a clown who fancied young men (I'm picking up a theme here) and lured them online. You can't trust a clown. It's as simple as that. You don't know who these people are. They could be from outer space! That's a segue.

Clowns have been depicted as evil in several horror films. Are these movies corrupting an innocuous pastime or are they merely exposing a grim reality? Your kids need a reality check. Clowns are not chirpy playmates. If you want to educate your children on the horrors of clowning, let them watch "It," "Killer Klowns From Outer Space," "Clownhouse," "Fear of Clowns," "Camp Blood," or "The Clown at Midnight." These films will have a sobering effect on your little ones. "Camp Blood" and "The Clown at Midnight" are godawful, but it matters none. They will drive the point home.

The next time you see a clown, do what I do. Punch them in the gut and tell them to go to Hell. Or you could ignore them.