Why Do Slower Drive(r)s Hog the Left Lane?

Jessica Ann... Dear, sweet, impatient, Jessica Ann. Just because my daughter's name is Jessica won't keep me from doing what needs to be done. You are about 40-ish, I'm guessing. You are a very rude young woman, as demonstrated in your article. You call other people stupid because they won't get out of your way. You are the one who is wrong, and your own words prove it. For those who don't know, Jessica Ann thinks that all of us "slow-pokes" should move over on the highway and let her pass.

You will, "at least, be going the speed limit" (in the slow lanes) and ""Slower Traffic Keep Right" means don't travel under the speed limit in the left lane..." Isn't that what you said? Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, dear, but posted speed limits are supposed to be the UPPER limit that you can drive, not the lower.

I see people every day, on my way to work, who are just like you. I'll be going 70 in the 55 zone (see, I'm not lily-white either), that's already enough to get me a ticket, and someone will try to do an internal examination of my car. Do I speed up or move over? Don't bet on it. You're the one who's in such a hurry, so you deal with it. Somewhere in the next mile or two we're all going to come to a stop anyway, so I'm not concerned by your impatience. Chances are, I've already flipped my mirror down, so I can see the floor, and I'm not looking at you anyway. You're probably the woman back there trying to put on her mascara, instead of paying attention to what's going on around you, so I don't care. If you don't like it, hit me and buy my next new car. In fact, you'd better pray that I don't slam on my brakes just to test your reflexes.

Get "aggressive" with me and we'll see just what you're made of, sweetie.

I am supposed to do whatever it takes to allow you to do whatever you want? I'm not buyin' it. If you want to buy a Formula One car and drive 200+ miles per hour that's your business, but don't expect me to get out of the way; do it at Indy where it's legal. I guarantee, they won't get out of your way either. You'll have to earn it or burn it, baby. When it's time for you to merge, you either slow down and get behind me, or speed up (if that's even possible) and get in front of me. It's not up to me to make your life all peaches and cream. Through traffic has the right of way and merging traffic is supposed to yield.

I work downtown and I travel about 20 miles each way for work, on major highways. I've found that it doesn't do one bit of good to try to go faster than the traffic ahead of me. Besides which, at 70 mph I get there in about 17 minutes. If I could go 80 mph it would only take me 15 minutes. If you really, desperately, need that 2 freakin' minutes, then leave the house earlier. Pick out your clothes the night before, have a pop-tart instead of a bagel, or smoke one one less ciggy before you leave. I don't know, but do not.. expect me.. to move over.. for likes of you.

I won't get upset and I am not going to get an ulcer. If anything, I'll be laughing at you. I see those people every morning, weaving in and out of traffic to get that very few seconds, so they can be twenty-fifth in line at the off-ramp. As I go by, I try to wave at them and go right on by to the less-frequently used exits. I can usually pick out the speed-demons, still waiting for the light to change as I cross in front of them. I hope you're back there one morning, Jessica. Flip me the bird so I can recognize you.