Why are so Many People Intolerant Toward Fussy Babies?

Recently there seems to have been a baby boom of sorts. Around me people are having kids left and right. Turn on the television and it seems they are always announcing the pregnancy of some celebrity. Well, why not? Everyone loves babies, right? Wrong!

I am a part of this recent baby boom, having had my first child 5 months ago. Since my son came into the world, I can't get enough of him and can't imagine life without him. However, I have also come to find that not everyone feels the same way about my son, or other babies for that matter. I have noticed that amongst some people there seems to be a kind of intolerance for babies.

One example of the intolerance I often see happened recently on a regular trip to the library. My son and I take a walk to our local library about once a week. On a recent trip I went about my usual routine of browsing through the materials. I also needed to clear up a computer error regarding a returned book. I decided to save the staff the trouble of getting the book from the shelf and did so myself. To get the book I had to go onto the second floor which holds all of the non-fiction books. This section of the library is marked as a quiet area. I pushed the stroller over to the shelf to grab my book. As I was searching for the book my son started to fuss. I quickly gave him his pacifier and returned to my search. I found the book soon after and went to the nearby computer to verify that it was the correct book. As I checked my account my son pulled his pacifier out of his mouth and began to fuss again. I barely had time to give him back his pacifier before a librarian had come up to me, asking me to please quiet my son. Her request surprised me, as my son had not been fussing for long at all and was not doing it very loudly. I again began to place the pacifier in his mouth to quiet him for a moment until we could go back downstairs. The librarian continued to ask me to quiet him. I finally turned to her and said that as my son is a baby, I can't always control when he fusses. She finally left me and my son to go back to her desk. Feeling extremely embarrassed and flustered, I quickly took my son back downstairs.

Another example of some people's baby intolerance is often seen on airlines. For Memorial Day my husband and I flew out to visit my family with our son, who was 2 months old at the time. I had heard horror stories of people being rude to parents with small children on airplanes, so I did a lot of research before the flight to find out the best ways to keep my baby calm. As we got on the plane I was very aware of the fact that some people may not like having to share their flight with our son, and as we took our seats, I noticed the reactions of those sitting nearby. Sure enough, some of them had looks of what could almost be described as anger on their faces when they saw my son. One woman sitting in the same row as us began speaking rudely under her breath, complaining about having to sit through a flight by our baby. Our son had not even made a peep at this point! In fact, through the whole flight he slept and did not make any noise. Upon landing one man commented on what a good baby he was for not making any noise. I could not help but wonder what he would have said if our child had decided to make some sort of noise.

I think it is fair to say that the majority of parents deeply care for their children and want what is best for them. There are many excellent parents out there who are very involved in their children's lives and teach them to behave very well. However, even the child of the best parent in the world will sometimes have a tantrum, and all babies will cry at some point. This is simply because they are children. I look at my son and see how perceptive he is, even though he is so young. He drinks in all of the sights and sounds around him. Because he cannot talk yet, he often verbalizes his feelings by making loud sounds such as screeching, or cooing. When he is hungry, uncomfortable, or in pain, he can't calmly explain this to me in words. His way of communicating this is to cry. It is a natural behavior and can often happen with little or no warning.

As I shared in my examples above, some people react to this type of behavior by placing blame on the parents. Some people seem to assume that parents should be able to fix things right away, or keep bad things from happening at all. Unfortunately for them, no parent is perfect.

I have reflected on the intolerance people have for children and have thought about the types of things I would rather have people do, instead of sending dirty looks towards me and my baby. One thing that would be helpful is if people would give me a moment to try and get some control of a situation before they begin getting mad and passing judgment. When my son cries, sometimes it takes me a minute or two to assess his needs and address the issue. Be patient with parents and give them a chance to do their job.

Another thing that would be helpful to all parents is if people would offer a look of kindness or encouragement instead of looking mad or put-out. When my son cries in public I am fully aware that people around us can hear him. I feel bad for possibly disturbing someone. I appreciate it so much when a person walks by, sees what is going on and smiles. It helps me to feel that they understand the situation and that my son and I are welcome wherever we are. I have had people walk by my crying son and stop to comment on how cute he is, or try to talk to him. More often than not that distracts my son from whatever is bothering him and he stops crying and gives that person a smile. I always appreciate the help and it makes me happy to see the person's face light up when my son gives them a big grin.

For those traveling on planes with babies, usually it really isn't all that bad. I have been on flights with babies other than my own, and none of them have ever cried through a whole flight. People should understand that during take off and landing a baby may cry in discomfort because of pressure in the ears, but this generally does not last through the whole flight. If the crying does get too annoying, most airlines offer headphones that can be used to listen to on-flight music, or watch a movie if it is available. Many airlines also offer in-flight television to watch as well. I would plead with anyone reading this, please, do not be rude to people on flights with babies. We have the right to fly as much as anyone and most of us do all that we can to keep our children calm and happy.

Trying to be understanding is a key to being tolerant of parents and their small children. Before lashing out at parents or giving them dirty looks, take a moment to try and understand how they must be feeling. Chances are the parents are already embarrassed and uncomfortable with the situation. Please, do not make it worse. I had the fortunate experience of talking to an understanding woman after my frustrating experience at the library. I went and spoke with an assistant manager at the library who was a very kind woman and who took the time to listen to my concerns and address them. She expressed regret that the incident had happened and said it would be addressed at the next staff meeting. She assured me that the library wanted everyone, especially families to feel welcome there. She made sure I knew that even with my baby I was welcome and encouraged to go on the second floor if I needed materials.

Children are wonderful! While they do have their moments of crying and tantrums, most of the time they are a joy to be around. They have a sweet innocence about them. It is amazing the power that is in one genuine smile from a child. It truly can lift your spirits if you will let it.