Why Some Husbands Have Problems Communicating with Their Wives

Men think differently from women and this affects the way they behave and communicate. In her book, What Men Want Women to Know (HarperCollinsPublishers, 2001,) Barbara De Angelis highlights some ways that husbands fail to communicate and how this causes frustration and anger in their wives. Understanding the reasons for communication problems is the first step to solving them.

Husbands and Communication Problems

Men are naturally weaker at communication than women and this can cause friction and upsets in marriage. One common problem is the habit of giving vague answers to a specific question. This is frustrating to a wife especially if she needs an answer about something important such as an annual vacation or plans for buying a house.

In a similar fashion, some men avoid making decisions and seem to be side-stepping important issues. This is often motivated by fear of making a mistake or being controlled by his wife.

A lot of men are uncomfortable with emotion and often abort a conversation by saying they cannot handle it. They may physically remove themselves to another room and leave their wives feeling angry and abandoned.

Husbands who Don't Communicate Their Needs

A man who doesn't talk openly to his wife may have several reasons for his reticence. One may be the mistaken belief that if his wife really loves him, she will work out what he needs and hopes for. This expectation could be the result of what he saw modeled in his parent's marriage.

Other men bottle up feelings by refusing to discuss sensitive issues and things that have hurt or disturbed them. This inevitably results in an explosion of anger that is often triggered by a minor incident. Because he has not communicated the true reason for his anger, his wife is left bewildered, hurt and confused.

Husbands who Use Hurtful Forms of Communication

Hurtful communication comes in a number of forms including control. The husband barks orders at his wife and makes fun of her suggestions. He often treats her as though she is incompetent or a child.

A man who turns everything into a joke can also hurt his wife by the way he communicates. If she is trying to share something personal or embarrassing and he turns it into a joke, she will be less likely to open up to him in the future.

Lying husbands can cause huge problems with their deceit. They may lie because they are afraid of their wives' reaction if they tell the truth. The reaction when the truth comes out is likely to be far worse.

Understanding the reasons for poor communication skills in husbands is an important step to overcoming them. When communication is hurtful, it is even more important to look for the reasons and address them. If a wife is aware of her husband's needs and help him to focus in conversation, the outcome will be positive for their marriage.