Why Are Some Men Afraid of Marriage?

Finding that special someone is about as difficult as looking for a suitable mate in a "Where's Waldo" puzzle. Once you've found this particular candidate, getting them to the alter is a different story. Now suddenly everything begins to change once the word marriage comes into play.

Are you expected to wait indefinitely while he makes up his mind, or should you just end the relationship and start all over? Once a difference of opinion has been reached at this point, the future of your relationship is in jeopardy.

In today's lifestyle some men are hesitant to enter into the sanctity of matrimony. So, what's changing the minds of our young men today? Is marriage becoming a thing of the past, or are we just scaring them away too soon? Better yet, maybe we're just hanging onto some of them for way too long?

Webster defines marriage as "the state of being united in a relationship," which is also recognized by the law. Is this the part of marriage that scares some men away, or is there more to the marital picture than meets the eye?

The commitment of marriage is not for everyone. The ability to find these men who are ready for a long term commitment takes more than just a simple conversation or two. Listed below are several areas of focus which might help you to understand if your mate is ready for a long term relationship, or if he's just looking for someone to replace his mother.

Changes in lifestyle.

Marriage is all about change. This is the one factor that can help secure the marriage more than anything else; the adaptability of change. Some men as they age become very accustomed to their lifestyles, and find it difficult relating to a change of status.

Possibly, this could be one point which is affecting their decision to marry. No longer are they free to come and go as they choose, because their precious freedom has now been limited. Some believe that marriage means only doing what their mate desires; this is a misnomer in a good marriage.

Shared opinions.

Everyone has an opinion. But what about yours, doesn't it count also? In a good relationship both opinions must be weighed and measured together as one. The single man is used to doing exactly what he chooses, not what's decided by someone else.

Is your man open with his opinions, or does he keep everything to himself? This emotional trait should be observed and understood early in the relationship. Marriage is a bond held together by two people, not one and a half.

Some men find it uncomfortable to communicate their feelings. Can you deal with the strong silent type, or will this be a problem later on? If your partner does only what he desires, this can soon result in a difficult relationship. Sometimes the man who keeps to himself doesn't make a good life partner, and also has no intentions of becoming one.

Commitment.

Commitment, whether it's financial or physical, is one of the most difficult abilities for some men today. Some feel imprisoned by the partner when marriage enters into the conversation. They perceive a lifestyle which is filled with the old ball and chain as they drag themselves around struggling to do what's decided for them, rather than doing what they desire.

What some men don't understand is that a good marriage elevates their sense of well being. No longer are they left to make difficult decisions on their own, but now have a life partner to help them decide which choices are the best options for all.

Shared sense of self.

In a committed relationship you're not only thinking of yourself, but both partners in the relationship. Does your partner share his emotions with you, or does he keep all of his feelings to himself? Will he also be able to put his feelings aside for others?

If your man is the loner type, he might be unable to share his life with someone else. Sometimes this type of man can be changed, but most of the time the odds are against it. Very early on in the relationship this should be understood, if marriage is the goal that you're striving for.

Children.

Last and definitely not least are the children. This is a situation that scares some men away. Unwilling to share your attention with children, some men have no desire for more obligations in life; including children. If children are your cup of tea then you need to make a decision which one you want the most: this man, or the children.

This is a serious life decision to make. In some cases his opinion will not change in time, so this decision is usually left up to you. Will you be happy without children, or are children an important part of your hopes and dreams.

If the children have won the mental debate, then it's time to look for another partner. Having children when they're not wanted by both partners is a very poor decision for the entire family.

As in most situations communication is the key ingredient in the relationship. Both partners should communicate their emotional intentions early in the relationship. Don't spring new ideas on your partner totally unexpected. Each person's desires should be understood early, rather than live with delayed expectations.

If the relationship has evolved, and emotions are being exchanged between the partners, then it's time for a serious conversation. Ask your partner what they expect from the relationship. Watch his body language, and listen to the way this question is answered. Usually this will provide the definitive answer that you've been looking for.