Why Stay Married?

Many years ago, I attended the wedding of a family friend. His attitude at the time was, "Well, if it doesn't work out, we can always get divorced." I don't know if his bride shared those feelings - I didn't know her intimately - but I had to wonder why he approached the sacred state of marriage with an attitude that was bound to be self-fulfilling. The divorce happened one year later.

Getting married is easy; staying married is hard. With the stigma of divorce practically non-existent these days, too many couples give up at the first sign of trouble. With the exceptions of extreme physical or emotional abuse, repeated infidelities, or the fact that your mate cleaned out the bank account and run of to South America, there are few truly acceptable reasons for divorce. But many smaller issues can be dealt with when both parties are truly committed to a sharing whatever the future holds and approach marriage as a lifetime partnership.

My husband and I have a 25-year relationship (married 21 years) and I praise God for sending me a husband who is hard-working and honest, has compassion for those less fortunate than himself, and whose fidelity I don't need to question. I don't think he realizes how profoundly he has changed my life, from what could have been a wasted life to one filled with love and laughter. Together we raised four children and have been blessed with many grandchildren. Our extended family includes the ex's families; the grandchildren make a common bond that has enabled us all to move past old hurts.

I must admit that we both had been married before, at young ages and for the wrong reasons. My husband's reason was honorable: He was going to become a father. Unfortunately, those types of marriages are often filled with resentment, the most dangerous of emotions because it leads to hate. They had three children in quick succession before his wife left him. I was 19 at my first marriage, and my low self-esteem led me to marry the first man who showed a genuine interest in me. I divorced him when it became apparent that he was not going to provide for his family, as any able-bodied and responsible man should do. We had a son to provide for, and I was determined not to face a lifestyle of government assistance and poverty.

Perhaps our brief first marriages taught us a few lessons about what a marriage truly is. Our marriage is far from perfect, but most of them are. My husband can be a difficult person to deal with at times, and my children tell me I must be a strong woman to put up with him. The truth is that putting up with him is exactly what has made me stronger, but I could not have done it without the power of God within me. I truly believe that God intends for us to be together, and I'm determined not to disappoint Him.

Marriage is not just a legal arrangement between two people, but a covenant between a man, his bride, and God. To divorce because you're "just not happy" is selfish beyond means. The emotional pain of divorce doesn't only affect the couple, but their children, extended family, friends and coworkers. I believe that if you're not happy within the bounds of your marriage, you aren't going to be any happier once you are divorced. You may escape one set of problems, but will find that you have created a whole new set, and the old issues will still linger. Your goal should be to find that happiness you seek within the boundaries of your marriage vows.

The reward of working through difficult times is that once you get past them, they fade from your memory. The funny, silly, happy things you do together now as a family are what you'll talk about later. We teach our grandkids the same silly tunes we all made up when their parents were young, and get out the family albums and let them laugh at pictures of their parents when they were children. Their parents marvel at how much their own children look like they did as children, and remember the circumstances when those photos were taken. Our family shares common memories, something you can't do when your family has been split apart.

Don't treat your marriage lightly. Know in your heart that it is what you desire and that together you can face any adversity. Cherish your spouse, children, and extended family. Spend great amounts of time with them. Make sacrifices for them. Love them as God intended! By calling it quits as a solution to your marriage problems, you're cheating yourself and your loved ones out of a lifetime of shared experiences. Sometimes, as we grow old, those fond memories may be all we have to keep us going.