Why You Should Talk About Money Before Marriage

Disagreement over money is the number one cause of divorce in America. Many couples, after years of working towards a successful life together, simply cannot agree on how and when to use their money. They disagree on many different fronts: How much should they save? How should they eliminate debt? Is it "his" and "her" money, or is it "their" money? Finally, after years of arguing and even financial counseling, most couples call it quits because they simply cannot agree.

For the couple considering marriage, now is the time to talk about money. If you can have an open discussion about money, which finds areas of shared priorities and differing priorities, you can determine how money will be used in your marriage.

Talking Points

Here are several questions you should ask yourselves if you are talking about getting married:

1. Whose money will it be? Some successful marriages exist on separate bank accounts. He has "his" money and she has "her" money. This exists in different forms, such as he pays certain bills and she pays certain bills. In other marriages, his money pays the bills and her money is extra cash flow. Conversely, in many marriages, the money is strictly "ours". Without the idea of "mine" when it comes to money, some couples find it helps them to consider each other before making a financial decision. This is also a good approach if one of you plans to stay home with any children you may have.

2. What lifestyle do you want to maintain? Are you happy with a rented home, or starter home? Is an economy car or minivan acceptable? Do you like to shop in thrift stores or value stores? If you agree on these basic ideas, you will have fewer disagreements over, "Why did you buy this JIF peanut butter when Our Family would have been fine?" Conversely, do you hope to drive new SUVs and live in an elite neighborhood? Do you want your children to have a private education? Discussing these issues now will prevent turmoil in the future.

3. What is your view of money? For some, money is simply a tool to obtain the necessities in life. For others, money is a virtual end-all. Into which category do you and your intended fall? Most likely you are somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. Talk about it!

4. What is your view of saving? In an economy which has the lowest savings rate since the Great Depression, saving is out of style. Many people give up putting money into their savings accounts so that they can purchase a newer vehicle or new appliances. Do you agree on how much money you should be saving?

5. What is your view of debt? Some people feel that only education and home ownership are worthy of debt. Others feel that carrying a credit card balance is acceptable. Determining where you fall on this issue will influence where your money goes each month. If you disagree on where your money is going, you are headed for trouble.

6. What is your view of giving? The typical American gives away about 5% of his income each year. Do you and your future spouse find it valuable to donate money to worthy causes? Do you want to set goals for how much money you want to give away, or do you prefer to keep your money for yourself?

The Rewards

Having an honest, lengthy discussion about money will set you on the path towards a financially harmonious relationship. If you can agree on some basic principles for how you use money, and agree to disagree on a few areas, you are off to a great start. Discuss your differences and allow each other a reasonable amount of freedom, while agreeing to work together for financial success-however you define it.