Why is My Teenager So Angry?

As a high school teacher, I speak with many angry teenagers. I believe that in several, though not all of these cases, mom and dad are typically divorced, and often too busy pursuing their own personal relationships to adequately parent their children. Often parents are dating at the same time their children are. Many mothers and fathers get so caught up in these second-childhoods, that they seem to forget their kids still need them, or they try to convince themselves that their kids are now old enough that they (the parents) may now pursue their own intersts and the teenager should be able to raise him or herself.

This rejection, or feeling of "being in the way" often causes teenagers to engage in extreme behaviors to either gain the attention of the distracted parent, or to release their anger. These teens are more likely to take unhealthy risks in virtually all aspects of their lives. Also, when teens are basically left on their own, many will gravitate toward other teenagers who are in similar situations. The "mob mentality" may then kick in and a group of teenagers may find themselves engaging in behaviors that each individual would never consider. This may cause the teen to feel a sense of control that is lacking in so many other aspects of his or her life.

Often, parents express feeling blind-sided when faced with a problem from a child who never seemed to get into any prior trouble; when in reality, the parent may not have truly taken the time to notice that years may have gone by since the two have actually talked to and listened to each other.

Frequently, parents have no idea of the impact that their dating, may have on their teenage son or daughter who is in the process of exploring relationships with the opposite sex for the first time him/herself. This is an emotionally charged situation that comes with a great deal of baggage from everyone involved. A great deal of communication and attempts at understanding each other is necessary for transitions that are as smooth as possible. Yet frequently, these changes take place with very little feedback from those most affected.

Teenagers need their parents to be available to them for advice, an ear to listen to, and even a shoulder to cry on; but in my experience, many parents sever this relationship much too early, when the going gets tough. That is probably the worst time to distance yourself from your teen because it is often when he or she needs you, the parent, the most. Perhaps even more detrimental is the role-reversal which can take place in which the parent is the one emotionally leaning on the child. I know of no teenager who would be comfortable serving a parent in this capacity.

Teenagers are not yet adults. They are still vulnerable to the world and desperately need their parents to continue acting as parents in their lives. A parent who tries too hard to be a friend or confidant, or who becomes distracted and essentially absent may find him or herself living with an angry teenager.