Why Teens Really Have Sex

Jessica Mousseau presents the Debate of Sex Education Programs within the U.S. clearly and most certainly skewed toward Sex Education and away from Abstinence. While I disagree with her stance on the subject, I do not feel that the real problem lies there. Instead, I feel that by laying the solution some where between sex education and abstinence that we are missing the point all together.

For the record, I believe that the parent, not the school, should handle Sex Education in all forms. This education should include both abstinence and discussion of how the body's sex organs function and even how it makes you feel. In addition, emotional, and spiritual long term ramifications needs to be discusses as well. However, that is beside the point.

Teens have sex because they crave a close relationship.
It is a proven fact that "Teenagers who have close relationship with their mothers are more likely to delay the onset of sexual intercourse than teens that are not close to their mothers, according to a report published in the September 2002 issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, the Washington Post reports (Sessions Stepp, Washington Post, 9/5)." www.etc.org Mothers are the finger on the pulse of the family. If every mother stopped looking the other way when they knew their kids were doing things of which they did not approve, they could take a moment and address any potential problems. Just because many moms work, does not mean that they do not have control over their kids. Make it a point to know where they are at all times. Let them know that you expect great things from them. Tell them the truth. If getting parenting a child at a young age would be a huge disappointment to you, tell them and tell them often. My mother made it a point of threatening my life on a weekly basis. She said she would kill me if I stepped out of line. I believed her. My older sister took a different approach. She rhymed. "Keep school in mind, and leave the boys behind", she would say before she repeated for the hundredth time that she expected a college diploma, job, and wedding before I made her an aunt. Somewhere between the two of their approaches, I got it right.
Relationships with fathers are just as important. Bloggers all over the Internet make fun of the father-daughter abstinence a ball springing up all over the country, but the truth is that a father who takes the time and makes the effort to make his daughter feel special if the father that will become a grandfather at a later age. The truth is, however, that girls who are treated well by their fathers find men who treat them well as women. This strengthens self-esteem and keeps girls from making irreparable mistakes. My dad's approach was not as hands on as I would have liked, but I do remember him scaring one guy away (who I had no business with) with a shotgun. I thanked him some years later.

Teens have sex because they have nothing else to do.
Kids who are busy have less time for sex. Parents, who keep their children active in sports and other extra curriculars, tend to know where their children are. Chances this is NOT having sex. Elementary school children should be involved with two or three after school activities to help them determine what they are good at. Middle school kids should have one or two activities that they do very well. By the time a child is in high school, they really should be dedicating a great deal of time to one activity in which they take very seriously and perform very well. In short, you child needs to be passionately dedicated to a goal. Yes, I am saying distract them. Distraction is good.

Teens have sex because of hormones and emotions.
Their bodies are growing, they are feeling different things, and they are confused. Parents I know talking about these issues in uncomfortable, but dealing with illness or an unwanted pregnancy will be even more uncomfortable.
If my solutions seem to simplistic, it is because it is. Teens have sex because they feel lonely. Keep them company. Teens have in the absence of constructive activities. Keep them active. Teens have sex because they do not understand their hormones and emotions. Explain it to them. If you can do all of these things for your kids, sex or abstinence education will make no difference in whether or not your teens have sex.