Why I Want to Get All Bikini Coffee Stands Shut Down
The "Bikini Barista" Occupation is Ruining the Coffee Scene
Olympia, WA 98513
United States of America
While I have never actually been to one of these novelty stands, I have been told that the lines are painstakingly long. Some wait times have well exceeded 15 minutes. Why? Because lonely or desperate males are longing for a glimpse of an 18-20 something-year-old female preparing coffee in the almost nude and not because they want to enjoy a finely hand crafted espresso drink. I don't care if St. Peter were handing out fake "get out of hell free" cards with every16 oz drink, I'm want my large, triple restretto raspberry breve mocha and I'm not waiting more than 7 minutes for it.
Whenever I get my haircut, check out at a grocery store, or order coffee, I always find myself fighting a small bit of anxiety, hoping that the person helping me does not try to make small talk. I hate it. I'm just not social that way. I'd prefer to keep it to what I expect.
- Employee greets me and asks what I would like.
- I reply appropriately and wait for my service.
- Employee finishes transactions, thanks me. We both say good-bye.
Anything outside of that rough template completely throws me off. Including small talk, asking me to try a special, or asking if I would like to put my name on a paper shoe to help a charity. There is no way I could order a coffee at a stand where I also have to worry about not looking in the direction of the barista who isn't wearing any clothes.
The only benefit I can see to this sort of position is that it provides employment for girls with low self esteem who have always wanted the tips, attention, and self objectifying behavior that come with being a stripper without having to commit to taking off your underwear or giving a lap dance.
Published by Chase Roper
Chase Roper is a brilliantly subtle and bitingly sarcastic writer and humorist from Lacey, WA. He has comedy writing featured in the nationally published celebrity gossip magazine Life&Style and has performe... View profile
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9 Comments
Post a Comment"so what if a young man gets his jollys for 2 minutes waiting on an expresso in the drive thru. . ."
The "so what" is that I end up stuck in a ridiculously long line because 15 or more young men are adding an extra 2 minutes of jolly getting to their coffee buying experience. At least the stands are getting better at naming themselves more obviously.
this is great i love that you guys or gals have an opinion about this subject.and im also glad that its just an opinion. it always entertains me to see what take some of you have on these businesses. and let me say now in case noone ever told you before... you have very little control in your life of the exterior things that happen around you. and dont worry your self about the poor litttle girl of 21 that is being "exploited". ive seen many of these smart young ladies pay for a college education with jobs of this nature also a modeling carrer. bless thier hearts that they were born with a god given gift of beauty and that someone gave them a place to showcase it. im a man and i appreciate a good looking woman. so what if a young man gets his jollys for 2 minutes waiting on an expresso in the drive thur,dont any of you guys remember what it was like to be full of testosterone. heck im almost 50 and ive been married for 25 of those years, love my wife dearly and think she the
This comment has got me REALLY WORKED UP.
Bah. The main problem with these kinds of things is that people get so worked up about them. If everyone would just relax... not gonna happen
Grow up and correct your grammar.
THis is so ridiculous....dont go if you dont like it....and sexuality is NOT going to ruin your children. I dont like annoying fat girls who have such low self esteem then feel the need to be loud and obnoxious to get some attention, but I dont go post things about how fat girls shouldnt be allowed in certain places, how fat girls shouldnt be allowed to wear bikinis, how fat girls shouldnt be allowed to wear clothes that are entirely too small for them......I have a very high self esteem and apparentally those of you who hate bikini stands because good looking girls are making money off dressin skimpy have low self esteem..youre scared your children will realize not all women are gross and stretched out....and im sure children dont care if they see a naked person...so MOMS if you dont want your kids to see nudity dont let them get changed in the dark, dont get dressed in front of your kids, dont take your kids to the local pool and dont let them walk through the locker room without co
Here's a shocking and revolutionary concept: if you don't want to get your coffee at a bikini coffee shop, DON'T GO. I wouldn't patronize a place like that, but it would be hypocritical for me to impose my personal beliefs on others in an environment where others are expected to tolerate my views. When people claim that the Earth is only 7,000 years old, I just shrug and move on. Freedom is for everyone.
I totally agree. They falsely advertise with fun colors and a "western" theme that this place is a family environment. They should at least warn people what to expect. I certainly don't want my children exposed to those things. I don't want my daughter seeing those girls and thinking she needs to objectify herself to make money; and I don't want my son to think it's ok to objectify women either. I don't want EITHER of my kids to be exposed to nudity and sexuality at such a young age. Someone should do something. If men want to get their rocks of then they should do it at hooters or a strip club, not in a daily family environment.
Never fear! You will always have starbuck which will dress appropriately and serve good coffee!