Why We Need to Ban Christmas Carols

I hate to break it to you all, but it is time to ban Christmas Carols. They are just not politically correct. What? Am I making this up? Hardly. Let's look at some lyrics that prompted my push to ban Charismas carols.

First they advocate violence. Example. Sure I will give you an example. Look at Frosty the Snowman. This is no snowman, mind you. Does he walk quietly through town. Not old Frosty.

"Thumpetty thump thump thumpety thump thump Look at Frosty goThumpetty thump thump thumpety thump thumpOver the hills of snow."

Hey, I am no prude, but it sounds like Frosty is beating the hell out of someone. Just who is he thumping and why.

And Frosty also teaches disrespect of authority. Does he stop when the cop says STOP. Not old Frosty. "He only paused a moment.. for Frosty had to hurry on his way." Hmm. Look I am in a hurry some days too. But when a cop says STOP, I STOP!

And look, it is not right to make fun of gay people. Especially in this day and age. Yet. look at Deck the Halls. " Now we don our gay apparel. " Please! Must I say more!

Look I can't go around town drunk. You can't go around town drunk. But consider the song - Here We go A-Wassailing. Last time I check, wassail was alcohol - the devil himself in a bottle. And what are we encouraging our children to do when they sing this song? Go out drinking? Hardly a song for my kids!

And how about Winter Winterland? I'm thinking that homeland security better be bugging this couple's house. Exactly what are they doing by that fire? Heck, they even admit it. "Later on, we'll conspire,as we dream by the fire." I don't mean to be too paranoid, but where is George Bush when we need him? I bet no couples were conspiring when he was in office."

Can we talk about the welfare of our children for a minute here. I mean they need DECENT role models in the home, not some loose tramp kissing anyone that slides down the chimney. I hate to use that word - tramp - but consider what this poor little boy saw. " I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe .." Look that kid won't get out of therapy until he is in his fifities.

Hey - how about this one? Jingle Balls. Please. What? Oh that is Jingle Bells ? Whoops - never mind.

But my point still stands. Someone somewhere better start censoring these Christmas songs or there will not be an AMERICA AS WE KNOW IT TODAY!!