Why Do We Cry?

Do you ever enjoy a good cry? I have had some good cries in my day. I don't mean the kind of crying one does when a tragedy occurs, those cries could hardly be considered "good". I'm talking about a good old fashioned crying jag brought on by a need to release some stress, some joyous occasion, a sad romantic movie (think "The Way We Were" or "Out of Africa"), or one of those cries for no particular reason at all except you feel like it.

The television series Everybody Loves Raymond dealt with this type of crying in an episode entitled, "Alone Time." I really loved that show because of the adept portrayal of human relationships, particularly between spouses. Debra, Raymond's wife, is feeling a little stressed. She feels as though she never has "alone time." Always with either their three children, Ray, his brother or parents, Debra just wants Ray to take the kids out for a couple of hours. Thinking this is a very, very odd request, Ray spies on Debra through the living room window. What does he see? Debra sitting in front of the TV, tissue in hand, tears running down her face. Of course this is cause for alarm, so eventually he confronts her.

Debra: That's why I wanted alone time today, because obviously this isn't something I can explain to you.
Ray: Okay, so you cry because I'm stupid.
Debra: I eat ice cream because you're stupid

She tries to explain that this desire she had to cry isn't a bad thing but to no avail. Raymond, like thousands of husbands before him, just doesn't get it. It's just not something he can relate to at all. It's a woman thing. This isn't to say that men don't cry, of course they do. But there have been studies showing that men cry less often and for different reasons. Who needs studies to tell us that. My own observations and I'm sure yours can prove it out.

So, why do we cry?

Men cry because of national tragedies, during bereavement, and maybe because of extreme personal joy, like their child being saved by a miracle. I've heard of cases where men cry during football games or the world series. Obviously these are generalizations. I'm sure there are men who cry during other occasions. Most likely not in public though because I can't think of any right now.

Women on the other hand, cry for a variety of reasons, including those above. They will also cry for more subtle reasons, like the stress relief cry. The sad chick flick movie or book. Then there is the happy cry, the crying for joy (which could mean their best friend is finally getting married or their daughter had a baby). Women I know have been seen crying because their son goes off to college, or the Army. I've known women to cry because their manicurist moved back to Korea. Let's not forget the plain and simple PMS crying jags.There are tons of reasons women will cry and many times they will enjoy the experience.

This is the mystery that Raymond doesn't understand. The reason isn't as simple as men are different than women or girls and boys are programmed differently about crying from an early age, etc. Scientists study it, and some of it still remains conjecture. I"m not going to explain the science of tears here, but apparently the chemicals released are also good for the heart. Could that be why women live longer in general?

Scientists will tell you that anyone, male or female benefits from a cry and that people often feel better after crying.Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Colorado Medical School, works primarily with people who are mourning loved ones. "In my experience," he says, "I have observed changes in the physical expressions following the expression of tears. Not only do people feel better after crying, they also look better." And according to Dr. William Frey, a biochemist and director of the Dry Eye and Tear Research Center in Minneapolis, Minn., one reason people might feel better after crying could be because they are "removing, in their tears, chemicals that build up during emotional stress." Frey's research indicates that tears, along with other bodily secretions like perspiration, rid the body of various toxins and wastes.
Scientists also know that emotional tears are chemically different from tears that result from eye irritation. Emotional tears apparently have more of something called beta-endorphins, natural pain relievers, and protein.

Here is a clue to the question why would women cry more often than men and for more reasons. Prolactin, which is a protein associated with breastmilk, and adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) are both associated with emotional tears and with stress. According to the scientists, women have almost double the prolactin in their bodies than men, perhaps that could be a reason for women to cry more easily under stress than men. But, according to the research I've read, ACTH is also associated with the "sweating bullets" phenomenon that will occur when a man forgets his anniversary for instance. It's stress related but it's not crying. That same research says that suppressing emotional tears may contribute to things like heart disease.

Do we have an answer? I don't think so. All I can say for sure is that I've never had a man tell me that he just had a "good cry," and feels much better now.

dearsugar.com
www.tv.com/everybody-loves-raymond
http://www.cyquest.com/good_cry.html
http://actionnooz.com/?p=65