Why We Have Grassy Lawns

Over this winter I've had a lot of time on my hands to ponder many important questions, such as, "Why do we grow grass on our lawns?"

Before delving into various websites in search of some sort of reason for America's fascination with grassy lawns, I spent countless seconds searching the recesses of not only my own mind, but those of my friends and family.

The best explanation we could come up with was that grass keeps the dirt and mud off of our shoes and floors. The people I consulted seemed satisfied with this idea, but I was left with a yearning to know more. After all, dirt on my shoes and even my floors doesn't particularly bother me, and surely I'm not the only one who feels this way.

My adventure began where all good internet adventures begin: Google. I googled all of the related terms I could think of - a grand total of one - and, after diligently choosing the most suitable result - mostly because it was the first result - I discovered the truth about grassy lawns.

According to american-lawns.com, America's unnatural obsession (my designation, not theirs) with grassy lawns began during the Industrial Revolution, and we have the United States Department of Agriculture to thank for importing grass seed of a type "suitable" for America's growing conditions, because, apparently, the grass that God saw fit to plant in our country wasn't pretty enough.

President Woodrow Wilson wanted to help provide wool for the war effort during World War One, so he grazed sheep on the White House lawn like his predecessors Washington and Jefferson.

All right. Sheep need grass. Unfortunately for millions of people forced to maintain their grass to this day, the craze for grassy lawns didn't die off when the war ended.

It used to be that the only people able to enjoy grassy lawns were rich English landowners with no reason to use every inch of their land wisely, as they had so much of it. Somewhere along the way, Americans decided that we are all entitled to grassy lawns, no matter how small those lawns might be. In time, the attitude that no grass equals no class developed to the point where Americans collectively spend millions, if not billions, of dollars on their lawn each year.

Simply put, the strange attachment we Americans have for grass is the result of a combination of early 20th century war efforts and bourgeoisity.

Now that you know the history and total ridiculousness of your grassy lawn, go and read Colin Dubay's Heretical Thoughts on The American Lawn for revolutionary thoughts on the practice of mowing the lawn.