Why Are We Having so Much Difficulty in Raising Our Kids?

In short, it is a difficult time. Raising kids now is not as easy as it used to be in the 60s.

You try your best at home to teach your children the right things, but as soon as they go out your teachings get erased or neutralized by something else. It is very hard to define that "something else", which can be either the wrong principles taught by other parents or the luring information that they can access with ease because of the technological revolution.

The so called Cultural Revolution has not helped either. We had more to lose than gain. The term "personal life" does not hold any meaning now. Everything is out in the open. The younger generation has too much information at too young an age. There is no difference in experience based on age and maturity. Therefore, everybody is on the same platform, being judged by the same standard. It is also okay to call the seniors by their first name. When the guardians have to assume the role of "buddies", there is no scope for them to instill values in their children. Some parents now find it customary or easy to get into the flow and behave in that way. We need to understand that there is nothing wrong to be a parent. It is not about authority, it is about guardianship. Parents do not need popularity; they need to be the disciplinarian.

We really need to stop and think why we are in this situation. It was for the steps that we took for our own convenience. After the 60s most of the families experienced the lack of involvement by the parents. That was because both parents started to get involved outside of the house. There was more awareness about equal rights; there were more expectations that led to more financial needs, and that, in turn forced both parents to seek jobs. The actual reason may vary and deserves a debate of its own. However, the fact is that we changed our interactions with our kids without making sure they would be well taken care of. Most of us didn't involve our friends or family to do the job for us. That was because we didn't have time for them and vice versa. We made money, hired people and thought everything would be okay. In reality though, our children got more vulnerable to sexual predators, lacked emotions and family became something optional.

We have been relying more on technology, for example: TV, video games, computers to keep the children busy. We justified that by saying such amenities would keep them safe at home. In reality, we didn't want to be bothered. We forgot that actual parenting meant spending more time with them and not buy them expensive toys. We did not realize that once a year taking them to a trip to Europe would not compensate for the lack of daily interaction with their parents. Our efforts showed how we tried to avoid the guilt by showering them with gifts and privileges. Of course, money helped but proper care and attention would have helped more.

Gradually, more responsibilities got shifted from the parents to the teachers at school, who can do only so much. As parents we found it easy to blame it on the "school district", which has become a fashion to hold someone other than the "self" responsible for the children's well being. Our biggest mistake was to forget that it all starts at home. The lack of proper guardianship led to the children abuse. Gradually, more and more organizations tried to offer help. We didn't realize that such actions curbed our own rights and increased our expenses as taxpayers. So, the norm of the society has changed. Now, if a child suffers in anyway, the first suspects are the parents. Not only that, when parents try to be strict and implement rules, an outside organization tries to micromanage depriving the parents of their rights. I am not saying that the involvement of such organizations is totally uncalled for. Of course, there are people who are not fit to be parents and they have to be dealt with in a strict fashion. But the question is how many of us are like that?

The information age where the media has become revolutionized has not helped in this regard. The way the criminal offense committed by a bad parent that can be 1 in several millions gets publicized is problematic. We get a false sense that all are bad. That is not the case and we know it.

We also want to get rich quick. We have fallen in love with the fast paced life. Therefore, the traditional way of going to school to nurture values does not seem appealing anymore. We want to become instant millionaires, doesn't matter if that means dropping out of high school. We have the "talented" celebrities with highly publicized inexcusable offenses as our children's role models. The question is what have we achieved?

We have fallen victim to our own quest for freedom and knowledge. This is only my observation and feelings about the current status. People can disagree, but we all should revisit our thoughts on this. This topic should be at least the appetizer, if not food for thought.