Why Do We Hurt Our Loved Ones More Than Strangers?

Years ago I heard a story about "Cracked pots". I forgot how the story went, but I still remember what the essence was. When you look at a pair of lets say, clay pots, from a long distance. They look smooth and unblemished. The closer you come, the more cracks you"ll see. Standing in front of them, you'll notice they are full of cracks and the surface is uneven.

It is the same with people. The further they are removed from you (not by distance, but by relationship) the nicer they look. The lady at the supermarket or the man who works at the bank are very nice people, you think. And that is probably true. And you are nice back. But do you give the same courtesy to your family? Okay, of course you love them. But are you giving the same politeness to them as you would to the man at the bank? No, because you know your family well, you know all the "unevens" in their personalities. Suppose the lady at the supermarket says something unkind to you. Would you flare up and tell her so and so? Of course not. The less we know someone, the less we care! You would shrug your shoulders and think she was having a bad hair-day.

Teenagers are full of "unevens" as we all know. Most of it will be ironed out as they mature (well, let's hope for the best) but they really know how to hurt their parents at times. These "pots" are way too close to you, the other "pot". All the cracks are visible, because you know them well and they know you well. Suppose somebody else's teenager was shouting at you, would you still be that hurt? No, of course not. You would shrug your shoulders. But that other, far removed teenager wouldn't shout at you. He/she would not be able to notice your "unevens" and neither can you see theirs.And so they are polite to you.

Sometimes perfectly nice families break up because they know each other too well. All the "cracks" are being used to hurt the other person and back. Sometimes brothers don't see sisters for years on end because they know each other so well. And what did the argument start about, all those years ago? Nobody can even remember. So, isn't it time we start treating each loved one, the ones closest to us with the same politeness and courtesy as we would
the man at the bank? Ask yourself the question: suppose a disaster strikes, who would we turn to, to our family or the neighbor? Who was there when you really needed a shoulder to cry on? To laugh with someone is perhaps easier than finding someone to cry with. To be charming for a short while is easy too. A stranger doesn't know you after all.

A bit of tolerance within the family, a bit of courtesy and patience goes a long way. Don't stare at the "cracks" too much. These are the people you give your love and who give it back. Because you care.