Why We Judge Gays and Lesbians
While humans, for the most part, are not living in the same sort of tribal bands, we still have our tribes of a sort. The most obvious is family. If we saw a stranger talking to our sister or child, we would immediately be suspicious of that person. If our mother came up and introduced that stranger as your cousin Lyle, we would accept that person almost immediately. They are family, part of our tribe. As we grow older, our tribe often grows bigger. We accept others into our group. Extended family, close friends and even co-works become part of our tribe. Why? Because of perceived similarities. Perhaps they are the same religion or play the same sport. Maybe they just drive the same kind of car we do.
Let's take this a little farther along now. Gays and lesbians are still just a tiny, tiny portion of our population. It follows that very few people have a member of their "tribe" that is gay or lesbian. This makes them suspect because they are outsiders. They act different than we do, or maybe dress differently, this makes them even more strange.
This leaves us with a choice. Do we accept these strange people into our tribe or do we continue to eye them with suspicion? Can we find the similarities that will bind us together or emphasize the differences that separate us? We can choose who is accepted in our tribe, just as we can kick out those who are undesirable. Are you in or out?
Published by Mark Murphy
I'm just a regular joe that occasionally likes to write View profile
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6 Comments
Post a CommentAnyone who thinks they don't have any gay members in their family (not just your immediate family, but your extended family) well, let me tell you, it is only because they haven't chosen to come out YET.
I do have a bisexual friend; but I don't have a gay family member. So, yeah. And plus, I met this guy a year ago, he is the first gay/bisexual I have ever met.
Um, if 10 percent is a tiny tiny portion in your view,so be it. I disagree however. And this I guarantee, every single person on this planet knows someone gay and has at least 1 gay family member. It's just a matter of wether they feel comfortable enough being out to you. I for instance, am not the only gay person in my family..but the others didn't come forward til I did lol I may not understand how it is to be straight, but I love and accept straight people just the way they are.
I dont like GAYS, I AM A GAY
Your observations on judgment are interesting, but I also disagree that gays and lesbians are a "tiny, tiny portion" of society and that most of our 'tribes don't have gay members. I work in a branch of a large law firm and there are 29 people in our branch -3 are gay. At my old firm our branch office was even smaller - just 10 people, 2 were gay. In the legislative office I worked in there were 9 of us and 2 were gay. I also used to work for a large regulatory agency (in San Francisco, so I won't count it) - but I knew dozens of gay co-workers there. In my family of origin there are 7 sisters, one is gay, as are two of my cousins, one by marriage and one blood relative. In college, plenty of people I knew were gay, and four of my close friends were (though one of them didn't come out to me until many years later). I think if we want to be open to all human beings we can be.
I have to say that while you are right that we judge based on criteria given to us from our families, I disagree about the gays and lesbians being a "tiny tiny portion of society" .... there are a lot of gay and lesbians out there that do not advertise (they blend in) because of the fear of judgement. There are a lot of gays and lesbians in America, only a small portion are "out." I happen to be an out lesbian.