WHY? WHY? WHY?

I was a little disappointed recently when while watching the Republican National Debates I noticed that no one was really addressing the real issues. Oh sure everybody had an answer about the war in Iraq or the state of the American economy for example but no one and I mean no one came close to answering the types of questions that most keep me awake at night. So, I have decided to submit my top ten questions to you the A/C public to see if maybe any of you know. Whoever has all the right answers will also have my vote this election. In random order here they are:

CHRIS'S TOP TEN IMPORTANT LIFE QUESTIONS......

1. Why do men have nipples?

2. Why do chickens and turkeys have large breasts and no nipples?

3. How fast does a buffalo have to beat those little wings to get off the ground?

4. Why does it always feel better when someone else scratches your back?

5. Are porcupine births painful?

6. How can skunks stand each other long enough to mate?

7. If a male sheep is a ram, a male donkey is an ass and a male goose is a gander then how come a ram in the ass is a goose?

8. If because of global warming the ice caps melt will the eskimos turn white?

9. How come there's no ham in hamburger?

10. What happens if you fart in outer space?

Somebody help me out here. I'm losing lots of sleep over this and I'd like to put my mind to rest for once just as I'm sure a lot of you would.